Mario Lopez's Underwear Dis

Chattin' with Loretta Lynn and John Leguizamo; Carol Burnett in action; adventures of Nick Adams

Next up came a retrospective event looking back at 15 years of crotch-hugging 2(x)ist undies—sort of a Whitney Biennial for scrotal sacs. I can't believe these things are already older than Abigail Breslin! And what an homage. They served champagne in the elevator and underweared men once you got there, plus creative director Jason Scarlatti was on hand to tell me why he chose Nick Adams over Mario Lopez for their new poster boy, as Page Six reported: "I'm all about new faces!" (Oh! So it's the face that's selling the underwear? Whatever the case, Adams swears to me that he and Lopez are not feuding at all. Neither are me and Lopez.) In another corner, a guest with clothes on (and probably a deeply lodged battery pack) told me, "I taught my niece how to be a modern radical last night. We used the same glassware twice!" I'm green with envy—get it?

Nick Adams turned up half-naked in Broadway Bares 18: Wonderland, the annual high-toned gonadal revue for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, and so did Tony winner Julie White—in green! She was the mock turtle, wearing a mock turtleneck as she bitched about the caterpillar: "They say brevity is the soul of wit. Well, his cock is a motherfucking riot!" Nathan Lane and Andrea Martin also dropped by as Mr. and Mrs. Cheshire Cat in a skit that outed both John Travolta and Clay Aiken and ragged on some others, too. (When Lane's character entered, Alice in Wonderland cooed: "It's a huge, monstrous smile without a face. Is it Carol Channing?") The show had a couple of dull spots (Joan Crawford should be retired as a camp icon), but it was ebulliently trippy and dirty, and rarely did I want to musically yell at the stage: "You Ain't Man Enough (To Wear That Little)."

Dig this coal miner’s daughter.
Loretta Lynn Enterprises
Dig this coal miner’s daughter.

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