Deconstructing The New Ikea in Red Hük

If they come you will build it

I once bought one of those hanging canvas closets at Bed Bath & Beyond in order to keep the moths off my cashmere sweaters (didn't work). The assembly was so simple that the package didn't even include instructions. I nevertheless managed to cut my hand on this contraption and spurt blood all over the canvas, so I am clearly not the customer to erect a ceiling-high chifforobe from a tiny cardboard box.

Good thing too, since the checkout line of foolish little lambs panting to undertake these projects is 10 times longer than the meatball queue. That's a shame, because I hate to leave a store empty-handed and could probably have been persuaded to purchase a $3.99 laundry bag or a $1 lint roller (I love lint rollers!) or even a bag of $5.99 tea lights. (What are you supposed to do with these things? Bounce them in the tub?)

On my way out, a not-very-butch clown stops me and says, "I love your dress! Your haircut, too!" and suddenly I remember that at least a decade ago, Ikea aired what must have been the first TV commercial showing a same-sex couple shopping together. I like to think that that pair weren't professional actors at all but were a couple in real life, and that maybe they got married in California this week and are right now receiving Bekvam kitchen trolleys and Aneboda wardrobes from their many friends and well-wishers. Have fun assembling your new gifts, Adam and Steve!

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