Does A-Rod Swing "That Way"?

Next year in Orlando! Nailing Florida's born-again theme park. Back here, the usual unholier- than-thou experiences.

In other weird movie news, Wall-E is obviously a gay robot. He watches that Hello, Dolly! clip even more than I do . . . There's also a lisping miniature character in Meet Dave, one who goes particularly homo when he hears disco or A Chorus Line. Is it cute or offensive? Well, you could have asked Eddie Murphy if he had shown up for the L.A. premiere . . . But what have they done to Eddie's Dreamgirls co-star Jennifer Hudson? They made her all soft and corny in Sex and the City, and now her new song is a completely disposable mid-tempo easy-listening thing that I'm telling you should be going! . . . And what's up with gay bars? The fucking Depression is taking all the fun out of them! Last week at Beige, I plopped my ass down in a chair, as I've done every week for 10 whole years, and was greeted by a waitress insisting, "Tables are for service only!" Fine—then serve me a free drink! (She did after my annual "Don't you know who I was?" rant.)

Over at Barracuda, they didn't serve DayQuil, but drag performer Shasta Cola did extol its virtues onstage. As Shasta talked about the joys of mixing the stuff with Red Bull, I heard DJ Qualls (the cute weirdie from Hustle & Flow and Road Trip) turn to his friend in the crowd and say, "DayQuil makes you horny, dude." And now you know that DayQuil doesn't quell DJ Qualls, though you probably don't know what he was doing at Barracuda.

At least social suicide has become more appealing now that Costco—you must believe me—actually sells coffins these days! Go on, order 10 for the whole family! Just keep the receipt and return them after the resurrection.

Martyr complex in Florida
Courtesy The Holy Land Experience
Martyr complex in Florida


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