Dolly Parton's Boobs and Pharrell Williams' Balls

Parton also reveals her pray-to-play policy. Plus: The revolution doesn't start without me.

I waged a battle royale with my gender and came out male anyway, feeling a tad underdressed at the opening of the Fresh Fruit Festival's Strike a Pose show of drag art at Leslie/Lohman gallery. A sporty crowd had come to see the sumptuous array of drag portraits, some of them using visual tricks to cover all the gender bases. (There's a photo of Epiphany in drag birthing herself as a male baby and one of curator Lady Clover Honey being fed a muffin by herself as a guy. I finally know what these two queens look like without falsies!) "You should be butch or femme," Clover told me, wearing a pink pop-bead necklace and deafeningly loud print dress. "I don't like being androgynous—it's one or the other." "And right now you're butch?" I quipped brilliantly. "I like to party as a female gender better," Clover went on, unfazed. "It feels weird to party with my balls hanging down." I know! I'm gonna have to tape mine to my ankles!

Ankles—hold on, this is definitely a segue—are getting follow-spot treatment with Cold as Ice, a touring musical starring Oksana Baiul that's hoping for blades of glory on Broadway. At the [title of show] party on Thursday—it all comes together—a publicist for the frosty tuner told me: "Oksana is a pistol! She gets offers to skate in Japan for $50,000 and says no, but she'll always work on the show." And if it gets old as ice, she can always tap her way into the French Revolution or just rollerblade into Xanadu.

Just then, ambulatory legend Betty Buckley—who's by far the best thing in The Happening—showed a good sense of humor about being called "a hot box of crazy" in [show], though she wasn't totally sure what that meant. "I guess crazy from head to toe," I awkwardly tried to explain. "Is that good?" she wondered. "Yeah!" I assured her. And it is! But who am I to talk? I'm ready to do this all over again next week. I'm a beast.

musto@villagevoice.com

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