Blind Items about Heath Ledger and Maybe Madonna!

I told you so.

Which smash comedy writer-director has a long history of "borrowing" jokes from anyone else who's gotten a laugh with them? Which image guru changed his own look by losing weight and shaving off his hair, then was horrified to find people were gossiping about whether he had cancer? Which pop tart's dad has had more legal woes than the public knows about, dating back to various forms of fraud and other icky business? Which rock star's wife recently went into a department store and started her purchasing experience by saying to the personal shopper: "Do you know who I am?" (That's obnoxious, but probably not as bad as the more familiar "Don't you know who I am?") Which late tycoon would, with typical suaveness, tell people about his legendary wife: "No one sucks dick like she does!"? Did his penis shoot oil? What romantic lead of a Lindsay Lohan film has such little improvisational skill that in the middle of sex with a guy, he once blurted: "Fuck me, you big, uh, nelly queen!"? Which late comedy legend slipped out an anti-gay joke on the air, but two of his children—a daughter and a son—happen to be totally that way? Which old-time actress (who starred in a Twilight Zone) has gleefully carpet-munched with the daughter?

Shouldn't Anna Wintour be thrilled that Vogue is looking a little slimmer these days? (It was starting to look a little plus-sized, don't you think?) Did Tom Cruise realize when he signed on to appear in Tropic Thunder that the Ben Stiller character is clearly a wicked spoof of Tom Cruise? Did Britney Spears sense any irony when she told OK! magazine that she wants to shield her kids from showbiz, in a cover feature accompanied by shots of her and her kids? And finally: Which singer has been gaining weight thanks to the cocaine regularly blown up her rear—the only functioning membrane left in her body—by a staff member? Yes, I know that one is 15 years old, but I wanted to end with a classic. I can get away with it, honey. Don't you know who I am?

Paul Corio

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