Two days later, I explore an area neglected at the Ecofest, a subject that I'm sure would have excited a lot of interest no matter what the weather: the green sex-toy movement. I call up Lisa Lawless, who is the founder of a company called Holistic Wisdom, and ask her what's hot right now, so to speak.

"The top sellers for us are the Lelo products," she says, "because they're so pretty and female-focused. One problem in the sex-toy industry is that the merchandise has been so male-dominated, like something out of a porn movie." The Lelo items—violet vibrators, baby-blue Luna Balls, etc.—are not only completely non-toxic, but, according to Lawless, "the cool thing is they're rechargeable," so you aren't forced to pollute the planet with discarded batteries when your rabbit dies.

The toxic sex-toy situation, it turns out, is further complicated by the fact that many of the goods are imported from China and are made of God knows what dangerous substances, since the FDA does not require any testing or approval of these items. So it's a relief to know that everything at Holistic Wisdom conforms to strict safety guidelines, including Make Your Own Willy or Pussy, to which my eye is oddly drawn as I scan the merch.

Don't go! Puh-leeze!
Orangutan Outreach
Don't go! Puh-leeze!

Alas, the Pussy can only reproduce, according to the website, "the outer vaginal lips." As Lawless explains a bit wistfully, "No such product going inside is considered to be safe." But Make Your Own Willy is another story. It will faithfully render every vein and ridge, and in these war-torn times, it offers a valuable service: "So many military men give one to their partners before they have to leave," Lawless says. "They're great for long-distance relationships."

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