By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
Dear Mexican: In a column some time ago, you mentioned the Aztec prophecy claiming that "their descendants would reclaim ancestral lands in the southwest U.S.—and guess what?" I'd appreciate it if you shed a little light on this statement. This is the mythical state of Aztlán you're referring to, right? What are its "borders"? How many Mexicans, Mexican-Americans, Central Americans, and indigenous peoples know and/or believe in this? Is there a movement to take over these lands? And how similar is this to the (incorrect) Jews' claim to the holy land of Israel? —Texas Truth Seeker
Dear Gabacho: Oh, Aztlán! Nothing gets Know Nothings more encabronados than this creation myth. The breve version: The Aztecs told the Spaniards that their ancestors had migrated from somewhere north of modern-day Mexico City. The Spaniards began a'slaughtering, unintentionally elevating Aztlán to Eden in the minds of the Mexica. Centuries later, the 1960s Chicano Movement began appropriating Aztec motifs and picked up on the People of the Sun's longing for the Garden. Not content with pilfering from one culture, the Chicanos also grabbed from another—the historical reality of the southwest United States once belonging to Mexico—and conveniently anointed this geographic region "Aztlán," despite there being no evidence that the Aztecs ever lived anywhere in the Southwest, let alone in the whole enchilada. At least the Jews kept their origin story straight for millennia, you know? But believing in Aztlán is mostly a college phase, like thinking communism can work or that Dane Cook is funny. Some Chicanos remove Aztlán from its terrestrial moorings and adopt its Edenic spirit—in other words, the spirit of a people committed to bettering their community. Nothing harmful in that. But yes: Some do believe the American Southwest is Aztlán and that all non-Mexicans should vamoose back to Europe—the Mexican calls these ahistorical pendejos "indigenazis." Don't believe the hype—Aztlán is as harmless as arroz con leche, and anyone who believes otherwise has listened to too much Coast to Coast.
I don't know if someone has asked you this before—they probably have—but with all the talks of problems with illegal immigrants and with all the obvious racial tension in this country between whites and Mexicans, do you think that Mexicans are the new blacks of this country? —Division Street Dude
Dear Gabacho: Gracias for giving me the opportunity to commemorate the passing of one of the Mexican's idols: Studs Terkel, the legendary oral historian who went to his reward two weeks ago at the age of 96. I can give you an answer, but Terkel documented a much better respuesta in his 1992 collection, Race: What Blacks and Whites Think and Feel About the American Obsession, in a chapter titled "Ron Maydon," in which the eponymous Chicago wab said Mexicans served as a buffer between African-Americans and gabachos. In light of Barack Obama's historic victory, Maydon's following words are most telling: "Whatever gains the Hispanic community has made, we have piggybacked on the black movement. I say every time the blacks make political, economic, and social gains, hooray for them, because we get some of the fallout. They sneeze, we catch the cold. They make inroads, we get hired." By the way, Know Nothings and the Hillary Clinton campaign: More than two-thirds of Mexicans voted for a negrito in this presidential election, contrary to your assertions. How do you like them manzanas?