Music

iVoice: Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift Paint their Toenails!

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In case it hasn’t yet been clearly articulated here (probably not), the two fellas responsible for the never-ending laff-riots that are iVoice chats are Jon Bois and Brandon Stroud, who also co-run the chat-game over at the Dugout. We’re still not sure how they do it—they’re either über-hackers or über-hecklers, but we don’t want to know what’s in the Big Mac Special Sauce either. This one comes courtesy of Brandon and it is a personal fave. — Your blawgh editah

**Online Host**

Welcome to the Painting Your Toenails Chatroom!

BlareUnderwood: Isn’t it great being a young country starlet in the new Nashville sound? /paints toe

FastSeamstress: ERMAGARD I know!!! I’m, what, triple platinum or something, aydunno…

BlareUnderwood: It is, like, a dream come true. Yesterday I got hit on by Joe Diffie.

JOE

DIFFIE

FastSeamstress: eeeee!!!!

BlareUnderwood: If I wanted I could have a store-gy with Big and Rich and Montgomery and Gentry and Brooks and Dunn!

FastSeamstress: omg do you have david archuletas tex number??

BlareUnderwood: nyah hee hee nyah hee /paints toe

FastSeamstress: Just think, I’m like “Fancy” from that Reba McEntire song where she gets a dress and makes a life for herself!

BlareUnderwood: i think that song is about a child prostitute

FastSeamstress: oh

FastSeamstress: well yeah that’s still pretty accurate

BlareUnderwood: Well I’m this generation’s Tammy Wynette!

FastSeamstress: wasn’t she badly beaten and abused and kidnapped from a grocery store or something one time?

BlareUnderwood: Okay then, I’m this generation’s Patsy Cline!

FastSeamstress: wasn’t she abused by her father when she was little and didn’t she die in a plane crash?

FastSeamstress: *whispers* and wasn’t she like a size thirty

BlareUnderwood: this generation’s Tanya Tucker?

FastSeamstress: wasn’t she a drug addict and an alcoholic teenager who slept with everybody?

BlareUnderwood: this generation’s Pam Tillis?

FastSeamstress: lost her original face in the war

BlareUnderwood: loretta lynn

FastSeamstress: beaten, abused, had 11 kids before she turned 12

BlareUnderwood: I-

FastSeamstress: What?

BlareUnderwood: Fine! I’m this generation’s Dolly Parton!

FastSeamstress: okay, whatev.

but I mean when she was young she had to-

BlareUnderwood: She has huge tits and gay people love her!

FastSeamstress: okay, okay, sor-ry

FastSeamstress: ….

FastSeamstress: hey can i be this generation’s dolly parton instead, that sounds awesome

BlareUnderwood: Hell no, you already called child prostitute

FastSeamstress: come owwwwwnnnn /stomps feet

BlareUnderwood: nope, sorry

FastSeamstress: but Miley Cyrus already called it!!!! /holds breath

BlareUnderwood: nope, sorry, enjoy your dead roach-infested mother

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