By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21–April 19] The fleas infesting dogs' skin have greater leaping power than the fleas on cats. Why do you think that is, Aries? Maybe you should use your waxing brainpower to get to the bottom of this great mystery. Just kidding! While it is true that you will have unusual skill in deciphering enigmas and clarifying ambiguities, I think you should direct that skill to really important matters that will improve your life for months to come—not to trivial questions like fleas' jumping abilities.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] Studies show that when most people take a shower, they lather the upper part of their bodies first and make their way down. You should take the opposite approach this week. I think a similar strategy would be wise in just about everything you do: Start at the bottom and work your way up. Establish yourself at the ground level and then take care of the higher stuff. Pay respect to the roots and then tend to the branches.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] A couple I know planned to have their baby delivered at home with a midwife's help. The father is a physician who assisted with childbirths during his residency, so the two felt confident about conducting their rite of passage outside of the hospital. But once the mom's water broke and labor began, everything happened faster than expected. The dad called the midwife, but the kid was already crowning. "Don't cut the umbilical cord right away," the midwife advised. "It will minimize the shock of transition if the baby can get the hang of breathing while still being nurtured as she has for the last nine months." That's exactly what they did. I hope you will do the metaphorical equivalent, Gemini. Keep getting fed the old way for a while as you learn how to be fed in the new way.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] I swerve to avoid spiders that cross my path when I'm riding my bicycle. I prefer to shepherd flies out through an open window rather than swat them. I'm still not stopped trying to squash mosquitoes that dive-bomb me when I'm falling asleep, however. I'm working on it, but may need a few more years of meditation before I bring my reverence for all insect life up to the highest level. The way I see it, my fellow Cancerian, you'd benefit from working on a similar project in the coming weeks: improving your relationships with influences you don't have a natural affinity for.
LEO [July 23–August 22] "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world," wrote Margaret Mead. "Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." An example of that occurred during America's Revolutionary War from 1775 to 1783. Of all the men in the 13 colonies who could have fought for freedom, only 16 percent did. I hope that gives you encouragement as you seek to fix a glitch in the status quo. You and your band of allies have more power than you know.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] Up to one-tenth of the population is left-handed. Yet for centuries, even as late as the 1950s, there were social stigmas against left-handers—similar, in some ways, to the perverse prejudice that has been directed toward homosexuals. So strong was the taboo that many parents tried to convert their naturally left-handed children into righties. Thankfully, this is now defunct. (Five of the last seven American presidents have been left-handed.) But it's a good reminder that there are countless other ways in which our culture still attempts to coax us or force us into not being who we really are. But it's an excellent time for you Virgos to reject the pressure to be someone else and get back to where you once belonged.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] The Tower of Terror is a thrill ride at Disney World. Riders are yanked up and down as they travel along a 199-foot pillar. A Florida woman named Denise Mooty believes this form of amusement is essential to her health. She says the extreme G-forces she's exposed to on the ride help dissipate the fibrous adhesions in her belly. I recommend a similar kind of therapy for you, Libra, to jostle your mental blocks, repetitive fantasies, and obsessive habits. They might just break into pieces and dissipate if you shake them in the right way.
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] It's your choice, Scorpio. You could be a creative dynamo who changes the course of local history—or you could be a plain old boring sex maniac. What'll it be? We here at the Free Will Astrology Libido Management Center encourage you to sublimate your unruly mojo into beautiful works of art and brilliant strokes of collaboration. You don't have to stop boinking altogether; just make it the second most important thing you do rather than your raison d'être.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] The planets are conspiring to unleash energies that will touch you in ways you didn't realize you needed to be touched. Any minute now, you may begin to feel a pleasurable sensation in your soft underbelly or a ticklish electricity running through your funny bone. What does it all mean? Maybe nothing. Or maybe it means so much that you can't possibly analyze its meaning. What a valuable gift that would be! When is the last time you felt free of the need to have to understand everything?