By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
Dear Mexican: My question is simple: Can you please confirm the fact that there are doctors, lawyers, and other professionals living in Mexico? I'm a Mexican-American woman living in Chicago who had a heated discussion about that topic. My friend, who is a teacher at a local school, was of the opinion that there really aren't any. She believes that the only wealthy Mexicans are druglords. There seems to be a lot of ignorance and confusion about this topic. Please enlighten her and those who think like her. —Incensed in Chicago
Dear Brazer: Por supuesto there are doctors, lawyers, accountants, scientists, and other professionals in Mexico—who do you think sews up the narcos after a gun battle, fights off American extradition efforts, launders their money, and devises nuevas ways to smuggle?
Something I've never understood about other Mexicans, as I am one: When speaking to other Mexicans about higher education and its importance, they always interrupt me to place an emphasis on the associate's degree. I've wanted to slap a primo/prima/amigo silly. Why the low standard? I've asked educators about this before and been told that it was a low-achievement standard placed on Mexican-American students in the 1960s and '70s by mainly high school counselors. True? —Párate and Deliver
Dear Wab: Instead of giving your primo/prima/amigo a cachetada, why don't you help them transfer to a four-year university? Heaven knows America needs more of its Mexicans at institutes of higher learning. The 2008 U.S. Census Bureau Current Population Survey's Annual Social and Economic Supplement found that only 28 percent of Latinos who finished high school went on to earn at least a bachelor's degree—and the percentage for Mexis is undoubtedly smaller. Why the low standard? Ignorance, silly! Not just limited to Know Nothings! Oh, and I don't think there was a widespread gabacho counselor conspiracy in the 1960s to funnel Mexicans of that generation into community college—most encouraged their charges to not bother with education, period.
Why are Mexicans so . . . laidback? —Crazy and Lazy
Dear Gabacho: Mañana, mañana. Que será, será. Mexicans sleeping under a cactus. All iconic American commentaries on our inherent relaxed nature. La verdad is, Mexicans are more neurotic than Woody Allen's on-screen persona—and if you don't believe me, you try living life avoiding la migra.
I recently worked security at a Tumbleweeds concert here in Albuquerque. As I was checking IDs and letting people into the beer area, I noticed that almost all of the Mexican guys held onto their wives/girlfriends/lady friends' IDs. The women don't hold their own IDs; the guys hold them, show them, then put them back into their own wallets. What's up with that? I asked a co-worker about this, and she told me it's a power thing. So what's the deal? —Curious Gringo
Dear Gabacho: Could be a power-trip macho thing, but probably is because the chica didn't want to carry a purse and would rather let her man carry the ID than stick it between her chichis. Sometimes, Mexicans aren't rocket science.