By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
Which reminds me: With that glass stairway in the middle of Times Square and the new High Line public park starting at Gansevoort Street (which has its own dramatic set of resting steps), New York has become a place where packs of people roam and sit, and sit and roam, but never go into any establishments to buy anything! It's like an Evil Dead movie, minus the exciting edge!
But I need you to buy the rest of this column, so let me get off my own ass and serve up some blind items. And so: Which Tony Award–winning belter from the '80s was spotted in a nightclub dressing room down South recently, and it turns out she wears some show-stopping diapers? Which ex-president supposedly has 46 Secret Service agents around him at all times because he's that unpopular? Which star who died kinkily once grabbed a male friend of mine's crotch in a crowd by way of a come-on? Which faux-socialite with sticky fingers likes to get slapped around in bed? (And there are plenty of people who'd love to line up and do it, believe me.)
Which young guy who pals around with a media heiress started crying when a pudgy trick of his couldn't get it up? ("How could you do this to me?" he whinnied in understandable agony. Been there.) Which club personality's much younger boyfriend has already had Botox injections? Which fashion arbiter gets snickered at every time she demands a car when she's invited somewhere? (Or business-class seats—and cars, of course—when it's on the other coast.)
Which messy foreign-born designer had sex in the bathroom on the same party flight where a cute young photographer passed out while getting serviced in his seat by a female flack? Which gym's staff organized to try to revoke that actor's membership after numerous cases of sexual harassment? Which daytime talk-show host has three trainers supervising her at the gym, but that job basically amounts to sitting around as she, yes, talks? Which rock star's daughter is so dirt-dumb that when she was appearing in a play and someone asked her what it was called, she replied, "Um . . . uh . . . I can't remember"? Which axed TV personality is running around telling people, "The 5 o'clock news will be next"? Where's the nearest bunch of steps? Oy, my back!