¡Ask a Mexican! Mexico Sucks

Why else do you think they're taking over the U.S.?

Dear Mexican: Why is it that ever since the U.S./California let you people immigrate, tunnel, weasel, or whatever into this country that nothing good has happened and/or come from it? California's welfare program is burdened with lowlife Hispanics. The prison system is 70 percent Hispanic, 45 percent gang-based. Real estate values have dropped sharply, violence because of gangs is rampant, and to top it off, all you motherfuckers are somehow related. What—do you have Hispanic incest festivals? I mean, Jesus Christ, I'd like to go to one restaurant in Southern California and not see a shitload of beaners. Why the fuck can't you stay in that shit box of a country and leave the U.S. alone?—Fountain Valley Fucktard

Dear Gabacho: Because it's a shit box, silly! Many wonderful things have happened in California and the United States since the Reconquista officially began in 1965, when the Immigration and Nationality Act made it easier for non-Europeans to invade our shores. The filling of lower-rung jobs by Mexican immigrants forced American citizens to find better jobs, spurring the digital revolution. Revenues have exploded across the United States in those 45 years—how do you think those welfare-taking Mexicans get their government queso? From plucking checks off of branches? And whither late-night talk show hosts and their Mexican sidekicks? Spare me your causality arguments and get your stats correcto: Latinos make up 38 percent of California's prison population, and 40 percent of the federal level. Finally, want to visit restaurants with no Mexicans? Try Arby's.

Why do Mexicans make up stupid names? I'm not talking about indigenous names that sound different, but when you say them, they have a standard pronunciation. I'm concerned about names that are entirely made up, like with extra syllables that aren't linguistically logical. I'm also concerned about parents who name their children foreign names that they don't know how to spell. I've met tons of little Mexican boys named Giovanni, but their moms or dads spell it Giobani, Geovany, Jobany. These spellings aren't even phonetic in any particular language. This must be really embarrassing for them when they grow up. Also, I am sick of all the variations of Jazmin—Jasmin pronounced Yasmin, Yazmine, Yasmina, etc. Most of the time, the J is pronounced like a Y when, in reality, the flower name Jazmin pronounced with the J from jalapeño is really beautiful. Was Disney's Aladdin really popular among Mexicans or something? I'm also sick of all the Mexican kids named "Bray-yan" because Brian is a stupid name, even in English. What happened to naming kids after saints? Did that go out of fashion with the rise of so many Mexican-targeted evangelical movements? I'm just worried that the children of this generation will suffer because no one will take them seriously. —Linguistically Loco

Dear Wab: People bastardizing names is a hallmark of the human experience: the Hebrew Yochanan is the root for John, Jean, Juan, João, Ivan, Johan, Jan, Evan, Giovanni, Hans, Sean, and many, many other variants. And Mexicans stateside don't use saints' names in Spanish because—as I repeat in this column ad nauseam—they assimilate. As the Mexican's old UCLA professor Edward Telles and his Department of Sociology colleague Vilma Ortiz showed in their 2008 book Generations of Exclusion: Mexican Americans, Assimilation, and Race, the longer Mexicans live in this country, the more likely they'll bestow non-Spanish names on their children. No joke from me on this point—just basking in the satisfaction of stats proving the know-nothing nation wrong again. Give up, already, pendejos!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, facebook.com/garellano, Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433!

 
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4 comments
daviddriggers08
daviddriggers08

California is not the only state with an immigration problem! Here in Texas we are surrounded with frijoleros! Pinche frijolero ven para tras aMexico! Tu no eres bienvedo en el USA!

Omgomg
Omgomg

The roads are very bad to drive on with huge holes everywhere. It's such a horrid country. I Can't even say enough about it. And never rent from anyone there, you will never get our deposit back.

Omgomg
Omgomg

The mentality is really shocking in Mexico. They are not civilized, they don't seem to have a basic value system, or integrity. The women spend all hei time and efforts dressing up to find a guy to impreate her. mexican women haaaaaaattttteeee american women. its just bad and negative in all of mexico. They are always trying to scam every American via outrageous fees or everything unless you know better. An always count your change, my god! It's basically 12 pesos per dollar. So it's in your best interest to always have that figured out before dealing with these people. It's a horrible country full of horrible people. I came here looking for cheaper living from CA but its just such a horrible country it was not in my best interest at all. I was hit by a bus, doing 1200$ damage to my car, I insisted on calling the police, when they got there they Made me pay 70$ or said they would impound my car. It was of of course their biggest scam

Merican
Merican

What do you call a no talent , one trick pony writer whos daddy was an illegal alien. A wethack.

 
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