Why Bears Are The New Twinks!

Hairy times also with queens, Basterds, and Hamptons royalty.

Hotsy-totsy Nazis are revived in the fun-tastic Inglourious Basterds, only to be clubbed with a bat by "the Bear Jew." (I think I've seen him at the Eagle.) The film is part transplanted spaghetti Western, part screwball comedy, and all Tarantino. The Holocaust has never sold this much popcorn! At a Q&A after the movie, Christoph Waltz wouldn't talk about his S.S. colonel character, but he would address his director's, saying that while Quentin is "the wild and crazy enfant terrible" you'd expect, he's also an "immensely well-educated and polite gentleman." He is? How disappointing! Co-star Mélanie Laurent fervently agreed with Waltz; in fact, she didn't even seem that annoyed that her backstory (revealed in a filmed scene with Maggie Cheung) was totally cut, as was a saucy shot in which she pees herself.

Want to crap yourself? An even bigger screening of the film last week was hosted by Hugo Boss, the company that once famously did some very chic uniforms for actual Nazis. Discuss.

The son of a holocaust survivor who built a banking empire, Sir Ivan is the caped rich man (or rich cape man) with a Shrek-like castle in the Hamptons. On Saturday, he bused tons of us there, where the grounds were studded with giant plush rabbits (if not bears) and the pool was surrounded by fiery cauldrons and bubbling with dry ice. It was Castlestock, a kitschy, PR-driven benefit/homage to Woodstock (if it had been organized by Bret Easton Ellis, I guess).

On the side of the castle was a gigantic American flag with a peace sign in the upper left corner and "Sir Ivan" spelled out in big letters on the bottom. At the height of the evening, our patriotic host—who sort of looks like a Smurf on acid—performed a ritual dance to "Kumbaya" while twirling big glow sticks, as his girlfriend pranced around him in angel wings.

My jaw dropping was interrupted by an attendee from a stripper pole company telling me her employer is pissed that Miley Cyrus's recent antics at the Teen Choice Awards were labeled pole dancing. "She didn't do tricks!" the woman exclaimed, appalled. But I bet she turns them.

Elsewhere in the Hamptons, I recently ran into Kelly Klein and the wife of Florida Governor Charlie Crist at a store party. What was it, National Beard Day?

And now I'm back in the city, waiting for National Bear Day.

musto@villagevoice.com

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