Daniel Craig at a Gay Club!

Fashion Week, Idol chatter, a gesture toward Liza. By Michael Musto

Cost-cutters star in No Impact Man, the documentary about a family that tried not to use anything ecologically unsound for a year—an even crazier self-assigned project than cooking all of Julia Child's recipes, but far more slimming. At the premiere, I was too ashamed to ask the no-impact man if they really used rags instead of toilet paper; I'm so tired of always being the lowest one in the room!

No-clothing men filled "Underwear Night" at Pieces, where boys stripped down to get two free drinks and some lube (and, in most cases, a boyfriend), while owner Eric Einstein, already in tighties, nabbed a birthday toast from the improbably named drag queen Holly Caust. That's a man!

At Beige, clothed porn star Ben Andrews told me that he and Paula Abdul filmed a public-service announcement to raise money for an AIDS vaccine that supposedly works on mice. "I had to hold a mouse, and it peed on me," Andrews told me—and, believe me, he usually gets paid extra for that sort of thing.

Paper dolls Janelle Monae and Donald Cumming of the Virgins
217Design/Liz Brown
Paper dolls Janelle Monae and Donald Cumming of the Virgins

Crapping on people without toilet paper is pretty much what people do at all of those riotous Friars roasts, as dutifully chronicled in Jeffrey Ross's book, I Only Roast the Ones I Love. At Ross's pub party at the Friars Club, chit-chat returned to "number one" when Counting Crows' Adam Duritz took the podium in a tux and a cast ("Do I look like a fucking idiot?" he wondered. "It works here") to say he'd had knee surgery the night before and had peed all over his robe. "How long ago?" Duritz said he asked the nurse when he came to. "Pretty recently," she replied. "You're still peeing yourself!"

And when I came to, I was wetting my knickers at the gay bash the Cuckoo Club (at Hiro Ballroom), where I'm reminded every week that I'm actually a woman, but where everyone was far more fascinated to spot the co-star of Broadway's A Steady Rain sitting with clubbies on a banquette. No, not Hugh Jackman, surprise, surprise. It was the other co-star, Daniel Craig! I'm sure he was just slumming—like all those models at the library.


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