The Eight Dookie Ropes of Wisdom in 50 Cent's Self-Help Book

Who moved my crack? Curtis Jackson's Art of War emerges at last

Drug addicts = blog commenters = chimpanzees.

You see, hood-era 50 gave free drugs to select fiends who helped him with quality control, which is just like when he shelved that G-Unit song after the Internet talked too much trash about it, which is just like when Jane Goodall went to live among the chimps. This actually made a lot of sense.

Overcome your fear of death and embrace the, uh, Sublime.

Shane Harrison

The 50th Law's daffy, bizarrely new-age-ish final chapter, alas, makes no sense whatsoever, inviting us to embrace death, which only leads us to the Sublime, which is "a kind of mental orgasm." The great Candy Shop in the sky. Really goofy way to wrap this thing up. But overall, this is a compelling spectacle indeed. Buy it for your loved ones. And then cease to love them.

rharvilla@villagevoice.com

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