News & Politics

Giuliani Governor Run Depressingly Likely

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After his embarrassing Presidential run, we thought we were rid of him awhile. But his cracks at a Crain’s forum and his heavy involvement in the affairs of the state GOP were ominous harbingers, and now the Times tells us that Rudolph Giuliani is seriously looking at a gubernatorial run. He’ll make his decision in 30-60 days, sources say.


Great. At best, that means September 11 at least once a week for several months, with Giuliani holding a press conference with firefighters every time someone blows a fart at Ground Zero. On other subjects, we may expect his usual snarling, which will make watching the news an even more dreadful experience…

And there is always the calamitous prospect of his election. “Several people who have spoken to him,” reports the Times, “said he sees parallels between the current conditions in Albany and those in the city before his election as mayor.” That means a statewide crackdown on squeegee men. And with national ambitions never far from his mind, we can only imagine how he will attempt to repair the state’s finances without the engine of Wall Street growth to bail him out. Our first guess is that he will declare enterprise zones in impoverished districts for private prisons, and spend his first year drumming up business for them.


Though we are historically opposed to prosecutors in high office, it may be time to start praying for the continued good health and monstrous ambition of of Andrew Cuomo.

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