By Jared Chausow
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Dear Mexican: I don't have any problem with Mexicans coming here to get a good job. Why are Republicans and redneck dickheads so into building that big fence on the border? —Taco Lover in Houston
Jim's Response: Immigrants are not a problem, as long as their presence here is legal and within the realm of a responsible immigration policy. Immigration should be of a prescribed number of persons with vocational skills needed to continue the U.S. as an economic powerhouse with a healthy middle class. An immigrant's integrity and moral character are also necessary to continue our nation as a civilized nation governed by the rules of law. In light of the irresponsible attitudes of many of our political governors regarding national security and enforcing U.S. immigration laws, a towering border fence is an appealing solution. If our bureaucrats doubled the funding of the Border Patrol and ICE, there would be little need for an international fence except in the most remote areas. To grant citizenship or legal status to illegal aliens would mean we are no longer a nation of laws, but a nation governed by mob rule. Sadly, there is an element of racial supremacy feeding some immigration law enforcement advocacy groups. In my opinion, William Gheen's ALIPAC, Jeff Schwilk's San Diego Minutemen, and the California Coalition for Immigration Reform appear to be the more abusive groups hiding behind the mantra of "immigration law enforcement" to veil sinister agendas of fascism and/or racism. These groups are no better than the Black Panthers, Brown Berets, Asian gangs, Jewish Defense League, and similar hate groups.
I traveled to Juárez to see the Real Mexico, and, boy, was I disappointed. Not a single man in white pajamas with his donkey leaning against a cactus. To show how much I loved their culture, I mentioned Speedy Gonzales and the Frito Bandito, but people looked at me funny. No one accosted me on the street with "Hey Meestair: For 10 bucks, you can fuck my mother—she's a virgin." Where do I go for a taste of the Real Mexico? —Titillated Tourist
Jim's Response: There are no men in white pajamas leaning against a cactus or women carrying fruit baskets in Juárez because most of them are dead—shot to death in drug cartel battles, abducted and held for ransom, or exploited as sex slaves (then murdered anyway) by criminal cartels. That is the Mexico that appears so prominent in the news today. My advice to you, young man, is to stay out of Mexico until Presidente Calderón completes his mission of exterminating the criminal cartels that have plundered Mexico, its people, and its infrastructure for the past 50 years. Calderón is an admirable and courageous leader of Mexico. He's the first Mexican president to accept the challenge of tackling the criminal cartels by the horns and wrestling them to the ground. Calderón's vision is to create a "Mexican Dream" in Mexico. Because criminal cartels operate transnationally, it is paramount that the U.S. and Mexican law enforcement and military forces work to eradicate the criminal menaces that have harmed both countries.
If you want a "real taste" of Mexico, rather than the suicidal taste of blood in your mouth, then hang out in East L.A. until the joint efforts of U.S. and Mexican law enforcement restore Mexico to an attractive and safe place to visit.
Ask the Mexican at email@example.com, myspace.com/ocwab, facebook.com/garellano, or youtube.com/askamexicano, find him on Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433!