By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] "Is Fast Food Too Tempting?" read a headline in The Week magazine. The article discussed whether people have the right to blame and sue McDonald's for their health problems. In my opinion, we might as well add other appealing poisons to the discussion. "Is heroin too tempting?" "Is cheating on your lover or spouse too tempting?" "Is watching TV five hours a day too tempting?" I hope you're seeing where I'm going with this, Capricorn. The coming weeks will be a good time to take personal responsibility for any supposedly fun activity you're doing that warps your character or saps your energy. It's prime time to end your relationship with stuff that's bad for you.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] "The mind loves order, the heart loves chaos, and the gut loves action," says my colleague Antero Alli. The ideal situation is to honor each of these needs, keeping them in a dynamic balance. But now and then, it's healthy to emphasize one over the other two. According to my analysis, you're entering one of those times when the heart's longing for chaos should get top priority. But if you do choose to go this way, please promise me one thing: Do your best to tilt toward the fascinating, rejuvenating kind of chaos and tilt away from the disorienting, demoralizing kind.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] When people are truly dehydrated, the impulse that tells them they're thirsty shuts down. That's why they may not know they're suffering from a lack of water. In a metaphorically similar way, Pisces, you have been deprived so long of a certain kind of emotional sustenance that you don't realize what you're missing. See if you can find out what it is, and then make measured (non-desperate!) plans to get a big, strong influx of it. The cosmic rhythms will be on your side in this effort!
Homework: Brag about your flaws and weaknesses and mistakes, preferably with a grandiose lack of inhibition. Send your boast to Truthrooster@gmail.com.