By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21–April 19] You and I and everyone else has dank pockets of ignorance that diminish our humanity and musty pits of naiveté that prevent us from seeing truths. We all lack skills that hold us back from being more fulfilled in our chosen fields. That's the bad news, Aries. The good news is that the gaps in your education will be up for review in the coming weeks—which means that it'll be an excellent time to make plans to fill them. Here's a good way to get started: Be aggressive in identifying the things that you don't even know you don't know.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] You don't have to answer to anybody this week. You don't have to defend yourself, explain yourself, or compromise yourself. I mean, you can do those things if you want to be super-extra-nice, but there won't be any hell to pay if you don't. It's one of those rare times when you have more power than usual to shape the world in accordance with your vision of what the world should be. I'll go so far as to say that the world needs you to be very assertive in imposing your will on the flow of events. Just one caveat: Mix a generous dose of compassion in with your authoritative actions.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] When Paul McCartney first wrote "Yesterday," he had the melody but couldn't get a feel for what the lyrics should be. For a while, he used nonsense stand-in phrases: "Scrambled eggs, oh, my dear, you have such lovely legs." This approach could be useful for you in the coming weeks. As you create a fresh approach in your own life, you might want to show the patience McCartney did. Be willing to keep moving ahead even though you don't have the full revelation yet.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] I suspect you're going to feel a bit constrained in the coming weeks—maybe even imprisoned. I suggest you make the best of it. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself and spiraling down into a dark night of the soul, try this: Imagine that you're a resourceful hermit who's temporarily under house arrest in an elegant chalet with all the amenities. Regard this "incarceration" as a chance to start work on a masterpiece, or upgrade your meditation practice, or read a book you've needed an excuse to lose yourself in. Believe it or not, your "deprivation" could be one of the best things that has happened to you in a while.
LEO [July 23–August 22] I won't be surprised if people begin to compete for your attention. There may even be some pushing and shoving as they jostle to get closer to you. What's this about? Your worth seems to be rising. Either your usefulness is increasing or else those who've underestimated you in the past are finally tuning in to what they've been missing. So here's my question and concern: Will you get so seduced by what everyone asks you to give them that you lose sight of what you really want to give them? I suspect there will be a difference.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] I'm not saying that you should create a superhero identity for yourself and embark on a campaign to combat injustice. But if you've ever wondered whether the life of a costumed crusader is right for you, it's an excellent time to experiment. Your courage will be expanding in the coming weeks. Your craving for adventure will be strong, too. Even more importantly, your hunger to do good deeds that reach beyond your own self-interest will be growing. Interested? Check out the Superhero Supply website to get yourself operational. It's at SuperheroSupplies.com.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] All 26 of Edgar Rice Burroughs's stories about Tarzan are set in Africa, but he never once visited that continent. And Bram Stoker didn't feel the need to travel to the Transylvanian region of Romania in order to write about it in his novel Dracula. But I don't recommend this approach to you in the coming weeks, Libra. If you want to cultivate something new in your life by drawing on an exotic influence, I think you should immerse yourself in that exotic influence, at least for a while. If you want to tap into the inspiration available through an unfamiliar source, you need to actually be in the presence of that unfamiliar source.
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] Why would you choose this bright moment to descend into the dark places and explore the fermenting mysteries? What renegade impulse would move you to turn away from the predictable pleasures, and instead go off in quest of more complex joys? Here's what I have to say: I think you long to be free of fleeting dreams for a while so that you can get back into alignment with your deeper purposes. You need to take a break from the simple obsessions of your grayish, poker-faced ego, and re-attune yourself to the call of your freaky, evergreen soul.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] Sufi holy man Ibn 'Ata Allah was speaking about prayer when he said: "If you make intense supplication and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire." While I don't claim to be able to perfectly decipher the will of the divine, my research suggests that you will soon get an answer to a question you've been asking for a long time. It may come softly and quietly, though, and from a direction you don't expect, and with a nuance or two that'll test your reflexes.
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] "Is Fast Food Too Tempting?" read a headline in The Week magazine. The article discussed whether people have the right to blame and sue McDonald's for their health problems. In my opinion, we might as well add other appealing poisons to the discussion. "Is heroin too tempting?" "Is cheating on your lover or spouse too tempting?" "Is watching TV five hours a day too tempting?" I hope you're seeing where I'm going with this, Capricorn. The coming weeks will be a good time to take personal responsibility for any supposedly fun activity you're doing that warps your character or saps your energy. It's prime time to end your relationship with stuff that's bad for you.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] "The mind loves order, the heart loves chaos, and the gut loves action," says my colleague Antero Alli. The ideal situation is to honor each of these needs, keeping them in a dynamic balance. But now and then, it's healthy to emphasize one over the other two. According to my analysis, you're entering one of those times when the heart's longing for chaos should get top priority. But if you do choose to go this way, please promise me one thing: Do your best to tilt toward the fascinating, rejuvenating kind of chaos and tilt away from the disorienting, demoralizing kind.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] When people are truly dehydrated, the impulse that tells them they're thirsty shuts down. That's why they may not know they're suffering from a lack of water. In a metaphorically similar way, Pisces, you have been deprived so long of a certain kind of emotional sustenance that you don't realize what you're missing. See if you can find out what it is, and then make measured (non-desperate!) plans to get a big, strong influx of it. The cosmic rhythms will be on your side in this effort!
Homework: Brag about your flaws and weaknesses and mistakes, preferably with a grandiose lack of inhibition. Send your boast to Truthrooster@gmail.com.