By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
ARIES [March 21–April 19] If you'd like to be in supreme alignment with cosmic rhythms this week, I suggest that you completely avoid using the F-word. Likewise, refrain from using the S-word, the C-word, the M-word, and the B-word. The more precise and the less lazy you are in using language, the more willpower you'll have and the better able you'll be to attract the experiences you want. It's always invigorating to choose your words creatively and kindly, of course, but especially now.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] If you grow an acre of peanuts, in a good year you'll harvest a big enough crop to make 30,000 peanut-butter sandwiches. That might be more than you need. If you just plant enough peanuts to fill a basketball court, you'll still have enough to make more than 3,200 sandwiches, which would provide you with more than eight every day for a year. This is a good phase of your astrological cycle to be thinking thoughts like these, Taurus. You will have more insight and motivation than usual if you formulate long-term plans to create abundance for yourself.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] As they orbit the planet, astronauts witness as many as 15 sunrises and sunsets each day. Time isn't really sped up for them, but it seems like it. I expect you to experience a similar feeling in the coming weeks, Gemini. You may have the fantasy that you're living the equivalent of four days every 24 hours. The light will be brighter, the emotions richer, and the teachings more highly concentrated. If you give yourself to the surge with relaxed enthusiasm and focused receptivity, your evolution will be expedited.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] I think you're ready to stand up and reclaim your power from the soul-sucking influences that have been swindling you. But you don't have to turn this showdown into a melodramatic epic that brings down the house. In fact, I think it's better if you stay low-key as you transform the dynamics that have been grinding you down. The adjustments may be nowhere near as major as you imagine. Why? Because most of what you need to do is make shifts in your own attitude. The necessary changes in outer circumstances will arise naturally once you've done that.
LEO [July 23–August 22] If I were writing the story of your life as a fairy tale, the current chapter would be filled with enchanted events. You'd be able to find oracles in the shapes of clouds, the ringing of bells, and the patterns of shadows on the sidewalk. You would see the help that's invisible to everyone else and know what to do in order to get the love you want. Take advantage of the available mojo, Leo. Use it to set people free, including yourself.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] How skilled are you at getting things done and making things happen? I'm talking about actually cranking out excellent results that manifest a comprehensive vision of your intentions. I'm talking about working hard and smart to serve the big picture, not working frenetically and mechanically to rid yourself of nervous mental energy. You're in a phase when these themes are especially important, Virgo. Be a master of the details; don't let the details master you.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] In her essay "Write Till You Drop," author Annie Dillard offers advice to aspiring writers. I'm going to quote a certain passage that happens to be apropos for you Libras right now. "Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for later. . . . Give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you."
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] In an interview, John Mayer suggested that Tiger Woods could have avoided his troubles if he had just chosen to masturbate more. Rather than literally acting out his obsessive sexual urges with a jillion women who weren't his wife, why not contain them in the fantasy realm? I suggest you consider applying this principle as you make your decisions in the coming weeks, Scorpio—not just in regards to your sexual life, but in other areas as well. There may be times when you could prevent an influx of unnecessary chaos simply by conducting a conversation in your imagination rather than by having it with the actual person who seems to be agitating or enthralling you.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] There are very few people who can lick their own elbows, and up until now, you have probably not been one of them. I'm guessing that a lot of you are about to be more flexible, limber, and acrobatic than usual—not just in your mental attitudes but even in your physical abilities. At least metaphorically speaking, you'll be able to bend over backwards without damaging your dignity. You could also stretch and twist yourself into poses that have previously been impossible. So who knows? Maybe you'll find a way to plant a kiss on your own elbow.