By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] The TV comedy series Community takes place in a college and features the hijinks of seven misfits who are older and weirder than their fellow students. In one episode, an inept female security guard chases the lead character, Jeff, hoping to catch and cite him for a farcical misdemeanor. As she races along, shouting for him to stop, she takes out her can of pepper spray and shoots several streams in his direction. The cloud of noxious stuff doesn't reach him, but she runs face-first into it as she continues her pursuit. It irritates her eyes and forces her to halt. Later, in telling her associate what happened, she says she was the victim of "self-inflicted friendly fire." I worry that you'll soon be tempted to carry out a metaphorical version of that, Capricorn. Please don't.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] Here's how Leo Buscaglia described the rigorous requirements for being a great lover. You must "continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, and the fortitude of the certain." I'm sorry to report that no one I've ever known has met those standards! In the coming weeks, you will have the potential to get there. Life will conspire to boost every effort you make to be a great lover.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] Recently, I was remembering the names of streets near the house where I grew up in Allen Park, Michigan. Although I didn't register it at the time, they were lyrical, euphonious, and evocative: Philomene, Shenandoah, Osage, Luana, Cleophus, Gahona. As I walked and played on them day after day for years, my imagination breathed in the magic of their exotic sounds, unobtrusively nurturing my poetic sensibilities. I bring this up, Pisces, in the hope of inspiring a comparable rumination in you. Think back on the riches of the past whose importance to your development you may have underestimated. It's a good time to re-connect with the power and glory of influences that brought out the best in you almost without your knowledge.
Homework: Psychologists hypothesize that the best way to eliminate a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.