By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
ARIES [March 21–April 19] Why should you work harder than everyone else? Why is it up to you to pick up the slack when others are suffering from outbreaks of laziness and incompetence? And why should you be the fearless leader who is focused on fixing the glitches and smoothing over the rough patches when no one else seems to care whether things fall apart? I'll tell you why, Aries: because it's the Karmic Correction phase of your long-term cycle—a time when you can atone for past mistakes, pay off old debts, and make up for less-than-conscientious moves you got away with once upon a time.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] "What is the source of our first suffering?" wrote Gaston Bachelard. "It lies in the fact that we hesitated to speak. It was born in the moment when we accumulated silent things within us." Luckily for you, Taurus, the cosmic rhythms are aligned in such a way as to free you from at least some of that old suffering in the coming weeks. I expect that you will have more power than usual to say what you've never been able to say and express a part of you that has been buried too long.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] More than 2,000 people have climbed to the top of Mount Everest, and 12 men have walked on the moon. But only two humans have ever ventured to the lowest spot on our planet. In 1960, Jacques Piccard and Donald Walsh rode in a bathyscaphe down to the Mariana Trench, which is almost seven miles beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean. Your assignment in the coming weeks, Gemini, is to move in their direction, metaphorically speaking. In my astrological opinion, ascending and soaring shouldn't be on your agenda. It's time to dive into the mysterious depths.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] I propose that we do to Mercury what astronomers did to Pluto in 2006: demote it. Who wants to bestow the majestic title of "planet" on such a piddling peewee? In fact, let's make the change now, just in time for Mercury's retrograde phase, which began recently. That way, we won't have to get all riled up about the supposedly disruptive effects this aspect portends. How could a barren runt like Mercury stir up any kind of meaningful ruckus? I hereby declare you free and clear of the whole Mercury retrograde superstition. Please proceed on the assumption that the period between now and September 12 will be an excellent time to deepen and refine your communication with anyone you care about.
LEO [July 23–August 22] A Chinese company reached out to me by e-mail today. "Dear Sir: As the leading professional conveyor belt manufacturers in Shanghai, we present to you our sincere regards, desiring to find out if there is a chance for us to be your top-rate conveyor belt supplier." I wrote back, saying that personally I didn't have any need of conveyor belts right now, but I told them I would check with my Leo readers to see if they might. You see, you're entering a time when it makes sense to expand and refine your approach to work. It'll be a good time, for example, to get more efficient and step up production. So do you need any conveyor belts?
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] Our sun doesn't really have a name. The word "sun" is a term that can refer to any of trillions of stars. So I'd like to propose that you come up with a name for it. It could be a nickname or a title, like, "Big Singer" or "Aurora Rex" or "Joy Shouter" or "Renaldo." I hope this exercise will get you in the mood to find names for a whole host of other under-identified things in your life, like the mysterious feelings that are swirling around inside you right now, and your longings for experiences that don't exist yet, and your dreams about the elusive blessings you want so bad.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] The odometer will turn over soon, metaphorically speaking. The big supply of the stuff you stocked up on a while ago is about to run out. The lessons you began studying a year ago have been completed, at least for now, and you're not yet ready for the next round of teachings. These are just some of the indicators that suggest you should set aside time for reflection and evaluation. The world may come pounding at your door, demanding that you make a dramatic declaration or take decisive action, but, in my opinion, you should stall. You need to steep in this pregnant pause.
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] Most discussions on TV news shows involve shouting opinions at each other. In contrast to these paltry spectacles were the salons at Paris's Café Guerbois in 1869. A group of artists and writers gathered there to inspire each other. Claude Monet wrote that their discussions "sharpened one's wits and provided enthusiasm that kept us going. . . . One came away feeling more involved and thinking more clearly and distinctly." That's the kind of dynamic interaction you should seek out in abundance, Scorpio.