By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] If you have been in tune with the cosmic rhythms these past 10 months, you've been erecting bridges like a master builder. Seemingly irreconcilable differences are no longer irreconcilable. You've combined ingredients that no one thought could be blended. Between now and your birthday, your good work should reach a climax. It's time to inspect your craftsmanship, polish any rough edges, and be sure that your creations will last.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] I have no financial interest in the product known as Bacon Air Freshener. When I urge you to consider buying it and placing it in your favorite environment, it's not because I'll get a kickback, but only because I suspect you'll benefit from its specific aromatherapy effects. In my astrological opinion, your yearning for delicious fatness needs to be stimulated; certain key elements in your future require you to feel excited about thick, rich, tasty sensations. I think this is true even if you're a vegetarian, although maybe you'd prefer having an avocado, coconut, or chocolate air freshener.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] In Germany, people can pay the weather service to have a storm or weather system named after them. A normal rainstorm costs just over $250. That's the kind of event I'd want to give your name to in the coming week, Pisces—not a full-on destructive tornado or hurricane, but rather a healthy squall that makes everything wet and clears the air. You definitely need to release some tension in a dramatic way, but not in a melodramatic way.
Homework: If you could change your astrological sign, what would you change it to and why? Go to FreeWillAstrology.com and click "Email Rob."