Time to lighten the mood a little, folks, with another brand of terror: The kind you put on feet-first and wriggle over your thighs and then up to your waist, where their ill-conceived elastic pants-holder-up mechanism digs brutally into your belly-parts, indenting your sensitive flesh with red marks no matter how waifish you may be (and surely are!).
Yes, I’m talking about … leggings.
Leggings horror has long been something we at Runnin’ Scared have dealt with, from certain LiLo fashion choices (not pants!) to whether or not we, ourselves, should attempt the shiny kind (signs point to no, and yes, we were drunk).
Avoid getting us started on “jeggings,” aka, denim leggings, which we find inherently repugnant starting with the name and ending with the bestial mating of denim and spandex that has produced tiny tapered legs and a big wide stretchy butt. Warning: Shield your eyes from the acid-washed jeggings monster abottom the former Spice persona — lest they be burnt from their sockets leaving you with singed holes for pupils and an overwhelmingly acid-washed demeanor.
All of that is to say, we’ve long been prepared for leggings gruesomeness, and we’ve dealt with it in our way (wearing sunglasses, avoiding American Apparel, and never, ever reading Us Weekly). But none of that had prepared us for something like this, which The Sartorialist, to whom we often turn turn to for spot-on fashion assessments and frequently lovely photos, explains as “Men wearing leggings under shorts, a very popular ‘look” in Tokyo right now.”
Why? We have no idea. But the only thing worse than this would be a denim/spandex Texas Tuxedo, jorts-over-jeggings.
Fine sir, is your necklace made of candy?