May brings all sorts of exciting holidays: It’s Masturbation month (obviously), and there’s Cinco de Mayo and Memorial Day (of course), plus it’s American Pacific Heritage month and Asparagus month, among other things.
Today, for instance, is Limerick Day.
Why is there a Limerick Day? Well, because Edward Lear was like the Elvis of Limericks, and it’s his birthday today. Among his beautifully bizarre creations:
There was an Old Man of Thermopylae,
Who never did anything properly;
But they said, ‘If you choose
To boil Eggs in your Shoes,
You shall never remain in Thermopylae.’
Personally, we enjoy a limerick, mostly because it’s a good way to tell a dirty joke around Grandma without getting yourself slapped.
And so, today we (apologetically) honor the tradition of Mr. Lear:
A suspicious package once sat in Times Square
And nobody knew it was there
Until Shahzad’s bomb fail
Set off a strong gale
Yo, see something, say something, mon frere!
Or maybe …
There once was a blogger named Foster
Who came from nowhere near Gloucester
But then this itsy penis joke
Made Jimmy Dolan choke
And pull all his ads from our roster.