Blind Items! Blind Items! Blind Items!

You figure out the names.

Which rock-star survivor is in a relationship with that weird lady mainly because she helps hook him up with younger women? Which Oscar-nominated Brit with a large penis is basically a leather queen who cuts quite a swath in his head-to-toe biker drag? Which enduring TV star is a big lesbian, the public love of her life having actually been a closeted queen who routinely hired hustlers? Which superstar has been known to pretend to play guitar in concert, usually with his back to the audience? Which longtime screen villain is a baddie in real life, too, absolutely horrendous to work with, according to all reports?

Which still-working '80s actress recently redid her whole face except for her mouth, and it looks a tad middle-period Picasso? Which famous married lady who does music on the side is unsurprisingly surrounded in that endeavor by big-time lesbians? Which show skimped on paying an orchestra, but still, poetically enough, lost half a million bucks? Which lanky and quirky middle-aged actor works out in jeans, a leather jacket, and dress shoes, as if his body is too precious for strangers to see? Which gay mogul recently met a young guy at a soiree and offered "any amount you want" to go home with him, as long as the guy wasn't hairy? (He specifically wanted dirty, sweaty sex with a smooth Jewish twink. The guy said, "Oy.")

Which troubled ex-club owner now sadly lives in his shuttered club (sans plumbing), which he can't seem to sell to anyone who can make a go of it? Which moderately plus-size movie star has led the straight family life for years, but I hear he's actually a big, raving homosexual? Which major TV star used to be a really nice young man, but once he noticed that people regularly took advantage of him, he became the hardened, drug-addled psycho we know and love today? Which multi-Oscar nominated actress befriended that blonde and was all up in her face with pseudo-kindness (this was years ago), not letting on that she was already fucking the blonde's man?

Who's shtupping who? The usual suspects.
Jason Levesque
Who's shtupping who? The usual suspects.

Which thirtyish rising star is such a weirdly overanalytical geek that she puts dozens of notes on every script page, scribbling comments and questions about seemingly simple motivations, words, and actions, even for crap movies? What famous person's son who married that other famous person's relation is supposedly a gay? Which white rapper takes scary control of photo shoots these days, because the poor thing is still burned by that ages-ago photo that made him look "too gay"?

Which unwittingly camp Z-list director has made up an agent for himself, which business people figured out when the agent's e-mails turned out to be in the very same broken English as the director's? Which actor who seems like a gay-positive hetero slept with at least one young gentleman, according to the (very happy) guy? Which famous person who's directing has typically been acting like a micromanaging nightmare, not allowing some of the creative folks hired on the project to think outside her box?

How is gay panic still alive in Hollywood? (Free answer: In Black Swan, Natalie Portman has that feverish nightmare that her subconscious is being unlocked by a lesbo, and in Somewhere, Stephen Dorff is appalled when a male masseuse takes off all his clothes because he insists on being as physically free as his clients. Oh, yeah, right, happens all the time.)

Which twink-turned-director once helped procure a hustler for the boy-band mogul who's currently rotting in prison? Which competition-show judge got an escort from the same agency five years ago and he's obviously pleased with the goods since they're still together? How could you have learned about those last two items? (Free answer: By reading dailymusto.com. You would have also found out about the delay in completing Faye Dunaway's Master Class movie and the lack of cross-dressing in Clint Eastwood's J. Edgar Hoover flick. No, Leonardo won't be in polka dots.) You're welcome.

Items With Names! Items With Names!
Or at least titles. Last week, a theater insider who I won't name sent out a mass e-mail offering to rebate $10 each to people who would sign a notarized affidavit saying they paid top dollar for Spider-Man without realizing it was a preview. This reflects Spidey's latest problem: a groundswell of complaint against the show for charging top prices for what some might not know is a work in progress. A few critics I know should join the mob, saying, "When we snuck in and reviewed it two and a half weeks into the run, we didn't realize it was a preview!"

At a TimesTalk, we got a sneak peak at Robert Redford's historical film The Conspirator when they showed scenes from it in between Redford discussing his career with Janet Maslin. At one point, Maslin asked how Redford casts films these days, considering how many actors have facial parts that don't move. Redford was gentlemanly about it, declining to comment and smilingly saying, "I've got colleagues . . ."

With a beaming face, Lorna Luft performed "Songs My Mother Taught Me" at Feinsteins, and if you don't know who her mother was, you probably weren't the target audience. Brassy belter Lorna got to praise mama, duet with mama (via clips), and basically be mama, getting multiple standing ovations for this filial feat. As she once told a gay crowd, "You've heard of 'friends of Dorothy.' Well, my mother was Dorothy!" And have I got gossip about her!

musto@villagevoice.com

 
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19 comments
Maya
Maya

Oh come on the oscar nominated brit has to be colin firth, what other high profile brit was even nominated.

Molly
Molly

Which enduring TV star is a big lesbian, the public love of her life having actually been a closeted queen who routinely hired hustlers?

Mariska Hargitay & Peter Hermann?

Bindi the jungle GURL
Bindi the jungle GURL

"Which Oscar-nominated Brit with a large penis is basically a leather queen who cuts quite a swath in his head-to-toe biker drag?"-Colin F.?

corrective_unconscious
corrective_unconscious

Gay guy being "very happy" with a hetero star encounter must be a review of Franco.

GregorVonK
GregorVonK

Scheisse! I never get ANY of these...

Godot18
Godot18

"Which enduring TV star is a big lesbian, the public love of her life having actually been a closeted queen who routinely hired hustlers?" Betty White (and Allen Ludden). This is actually pretty well known, and sad, considering Betty supports OTHER gay people. That said, they really di appear to have been the love of each other's lives, despite the sexlessness of the relationship.

GiorgioNYC
GiorgioNYC

"Which major TV star used to be a really nice young man, but once he noticed that people regularly took advantage of him, he became the hardened, drug-addled psycho we know and love today?"

Gotta be Charlie Sheen. Or is that too obvious?

BAP
BAP

I think you are referring to Stephen Dorff in "Somewhere" not "Hereafter." Both are boring and forgettable films, so the mistake is understandable.

Troofire
Troofire

Shine, how do you live with yourself, knowing all this stuff? And why are your items sooooo blind? Couldn't you give us a few more morsels to help us out of the loop types?

Missboo42
Missboo42

One of your above-mentioned actors is getting lots of blind item press of late for being in the closet. It hit me like a ton of bricks a couple of years ago when I realized this gorgeous hunk had been gay all along! Married, a father, it made total sense! His wife's father was bi and he needed the respectability. So sad. Such a waste. He is so macho.

Missboo42
Missboo42

Sorry honey. Close but no cigar. Colin and Blind Item are Irish, not Brits. There is only one 'British' actor who is world-famous for his enormous personality. It ain't Colin. He was recently seen out on the town with a table full of well-known Queens. One of his kids was also seen at a sporting event with one of them. If he's introducing the kids to one of his buds, it must be serious! But he will continue to be mentioned on gossip sites with leggy, foreign blonds. Creature of habit.

Alessandra
Alessandra

So "Howl" and "Milk" weren't that much of a stretch? He really is hot, that James Franco.

Deusxmac
Deusxmac

missboo, "colin f." may refer to colin firth, not farrell. however, i don't think colin firth is gay -- not that being married with kids means anything, really, but his earlier affair (and child) with jennifer tilly was so under the radar that it seems the antithesis of bearding.

Missboo42
Missboo42

I cannot afford a lawsuit so I cannot answer you. The Blind Item could be any number of British/Irish actors. So many of them are gay or bi anyway so to narrow it down would be difficult. How To Spot A Gay Actor: 1. He was married in his youth at least once. 2. Has a series of girlfriends or a series of long-term relationships. 3. When on-mic drops his voice three octaves to appear really macho. 4. Takes his mother/sister/family member to the Oscars. 5. Creates a fictitious fiance who died in an accident. Sometimes goes further and claims said fiance was pregnant at the time. 6. Girlfriend is usually Asian/Latin American/Not WASP. What gal in her right mind wouldn't say yes to a man she knows is gay, will never marry her, will never give her a family but will be taken all over the world in first class planes/hotels and will be front-and-center on the Red Carpet? Most of actordom is gay on both sides of the pond. We just have to accept that. Right?

Missboo42
Missboo42

He's Irish. Gorgeous. Dreadful actor (stone faced in every role) but he is so easy on the eyes no one has ever complained. Worked in Ireland, England, LA and NYC. Had way too much surgery a couple of years ago and lost all his natural boyish charm. Now he looks like a wax figurine. In the 80s was the most sought-after romeo around. ALL the lovely ladies wanted a piece of that action. That's why it is so sad to see him now with all those nips and tucks. Everyone knows about his enormous talents, if you know what I mean. Put all of this together and whom do YOU think it is? Never a rumor of his being bi or gay until recently. No longer married with kids.

 
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