By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21–April 19] What rewards do you deserve for all the hard work you've done since your last birthday? And what amends should you make for the mediocre living and the work you've shirked since your last birthday? If you choose this week to take care of these two matters with purposeful clarity, you will ensure the best possible outcomes. The reward you earn will be the right one, and the amends you offer will provide the proper correction.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] Sometimes I fly in my dreams. The ecstasy is almost unbearable as I soar high above the landscape. But there's something I enjoy even more: running. For years, I've had recurring dreams of sprinting through green hills and meadows, following rivers that go on forever. I feel vital and vigorous and fulfilled. Does it seem odd that I prefer running to flying? I think I understand why. The flying dreams represent the part of me that longs to escape the bonds of earth; my running dreams express the part of me that exults in the challenges of this world. I think you're ready for whatever is your equivalent of running in your dreams.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] An interviewer asked me if there's any special ritual I do before writing these horoscopes. I told her that I often say a prayer in which I affirm my desire to provide you with these three services: 1) that what I create will be of practical use to you; 2) that it will help you cultivate your relationship with your inner teacher; 3) that it will inspire you to tap into and use the substantial freedom you have to create the life you want. I hope I'm doing a good job, Gemini, because in the coming weeks your inner teacher will be overflowing with practical clues about the art of liberation.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] "Spring dawn: Turning toward the storm cloud, I lost sight of the bird." Let this haiku-like poem serve as a cautionary tale. You're at risk of getting so fixated on a storm cloud that you may lose track of a rare and beautiful bird. And the thing is, the storm cloud isn't even harboring that big a ruckus. It will pour out its flash and dazzle quickly, leaving virtually no havoc in its wake. That's why it would be a shame for you to let your perverse fascination with it cause you to get separated from a potential source of inspiration.
LEO [July 23–August 22] An astronomer in Minneapolis proclaimed that due to the precession of the equinoxes, everyone's astrological sign is wrong. He was perfectly mistaken, of course, for reasons I explain here: http://bit.ly/AstroHoax. But few journalists in the media bothered to check the accuracy of the allegation before publishing it, and soon the collective imagination was on fire. Hundreds of thousands of people suffered unnecessary identity crises and felt emotions that were based on a fallacy. In the coming week, Leo, you should be on high alert for a comparable outbreak or two in your personal sphere. Be vigorously skeptical—not just toward the stories other people tell, but also toward the theories and fantasies that rise up in your own brain. Don't believe everything you think.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] You are usually conscientious about attending to the details. It's one of your specialties to take care of little necessities. You often know what to do in order to fix mistakes and messes caused by the imprecision of other people. For now, though, I encourage you to take a break from all that. You need to replenish yourself, and a good way to accomplish that is to let your mind go blank. Give yourself permission to space out about the intricacies. Steep yourself in the primordial ooze where everything is everything.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] I'll be interested to see how you shift your attitudes about love in the coming weeks, Libra. Fate will be bringing you good reasons to move away from long-held opinions about the nature of romance and intimacy. Your subconscious mind will be stirring with new dispensations about how best to deal with and express your life-giving longings. The process should be pretty enjoyable, especially if you relish psycho-spiritual riddles that impel you to probe deeper into the mysteries of togetherness.
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] "Dear Rob: I am a professional obsesser. I mean I obsess on things a lot. But here's the thing. When I do obsess on something and work with manic intensity to achieve it, I am changed in the process—frequently to the point of no longer desiring what I was once obsessed by! This makes me crazy! Any advice? —Flagrant Scorpio." Dear Flagrant: This is a gift, not a problem. Figuring out what you don't want is a key factor in developing self-knowledge. And often the only way to do that is by pursuing what you think you want. Ultimately, you'll be purged of your lesser longings and be able to crystallize a clear vision of what you truly desire more than anything else.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] "The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in such a way that will allow a solution," said Bertrand Russell. In other words, the words you use to describe your dilemma are crucial. If you're pessimistic about framing your question, you minimize your chances for finding a useful answer. If you're precise and creative, you're more likely to attract the information and inspiration you need. This is always true, of course, but especially so for you right now.
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] A "karma whore" is someone who performs an abundant number of favors and acts of kindness in the hope of accumulating extra good karma. I'm thinking this week will be prime time for you to flirt with being such a person. Why? Because the blessings you bestow in the near future are more likely than usual to generate specific blessings coming back your way. You don't necessarily have to go to ridiculous extremes—holding the door open for five people behind you, allowing 10 cars to merge in front of you on the highway, flinging out casual but sincere compliments with reckless abandon. But from what I can tell, the more help you dole out, the more you'll get in return.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] You may have no idea of how much power you have right now to start fresh—to escape the muddle of murky old failures. Your imagination might not yet be sufficiently lubricated to glide you into the expansive version of the future you deserve. But I'm hoping that this little horoscope of mine changes all that. I'm praying that you are already registering the pleasant shock I'm trying to jolt you with, and are awakening to the rampant possibilities. On your mark. Get set. Go!
PISCES [February 19–March 20] I've never been a fan of gurus. My view is that everyone should be his or her own guru. But there was one guy whose antics were pretty entertaining. He was one of those crazy wisdom types who borrowed liberally from the trickster archetype. This is what he told his followers about how to interpret their dreams in which he appeared. "If you dream of me and I'm not kicking your butt, it wasn't really me." I'll say the same thing to you, Pisces: The only teachers worth listening to, studying, and dreaming about in the next two weeks will be those who kick your butt.
Homework: To read my response to the Internet rumor that astrology is based on wrong assumptions, go here: http://bit.ly/AstroHoax.