By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21–April 19] Were you under the impression that the sky is completely mapped? It's not. Advances in technology are unveiling a nonstop flow of new mysteries. In a recent lecture, astronomer Joshua Bloom of the University of California described the explosion of wonder. One particular telescope, for example, detects 1.5 million transient phenomena every night, and an average of 10 of those turn out to be previously undiscovered. Reporting on Bloom's work, Space.com compared astronomers' task to "finding a few needles in a giant haystack night after night." I see this challenge as resembling your imminent future, Aries. Mixed in with all the chatter and hubbub, there are some scattered gems out there—rich revelations and zesty potentials. Will you have the patience to pinpoint them?
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] If you're thinking of calling on a ghost to provide you with information, make sure you know how to banish it. If you're considering a trek into the past to seek some consolation, drop bread crumbs so you can find your way back. Catch my drift? It's fine to draw on the old days and the old ways, but don't get stuck there.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] It's a favorable time for people to give you gifts and blessings. You have my permission to convey that message to your friends and associates. Let them know it's in their interest to be generous toward you. The truth, as I see it, is that they will attract rewards for themselves, some unexpected, if they help you. So what's your role in this dynamic? Be modest. Be grateful. Be gracious. At the same time, rake it all in with supreme confidence that you deserve such an outpouring.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] Nobel Prizes are awarded to geniuses in a variety of fields for work done to elevate science and culture. But have you heard of Ig Nobel Prizes? The Annals of Improbable Research hands them out to eccentrics whose work it deems useless but amusing. For instance, one recipient was honored for investigating how impotency drugs help hamsters recover quickly from jet lag. In 2000, physicist Andre Geim won an Ig Nobel Prize for using magnetism to levitate a frog. Unlike all of his fellow honorees, however, Geim later won a Nobel Prize for his research on a substance called graphene. I think you'll soon have a resemblance to him, Cancerian. Some of your efforts will be odd and others spectacular; some will be dismissed or derided and others will be loved and lauded.
LEO [July 23–August 22] If you have ever fantasized about setting up a booth at the foot of an active volcano and creating balloon animals for tourists' kids, now is an excellent time to get started on making that happen. Same is true if you've ever thought you'd like to be a stand-up comedian at a casino or a mentor who teaches card tricks and magic to juvenile delinquents. The astrological omens suggest that playfulness and risk-taking would synergize well right now. There's even a chance that if you found a way to blend them, it would lead to financial gain.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] You've arrived at a phase in your cycle when you'll have the opportunity to scope out new competitors and allies who challenge you to grow. Choose wisely! Keep in mind that you will be giving them a lot of power to shape you; they will be conditioning your thoughts about yourself and about the goals you regard as worthy of your passions. If you pick people of low character or weak values, they'll bring you down. If you opt for hard workers with high ideals, they'll raise you up.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] "There's no key to the universe," writes Swami Beyondananda. But that shouldn't lead us to despair, he adds. "Fortunately, the universe has been left unlocked." In other words, there's no need for a key to the universe! I offer you this news because there's a similar principle at work in your life. You've been banging on a certain door, imagining that you're shut out from what's inside. But the fact is that the door is unlocked and nothing is stopping you from letting yourself in.
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] When you travel to Mozambique, the Ministry of Fish and Wildlife gives you a warning about the frequency of human encounters with lions out in nature. "Wear little noisy bells so as to give advanced warning to any lions that might be close by so you don't take them by surprise," reads the notice you're handed. I'm certain, Scorpio, that no matter where you are in the coming week—whether it's Mozambique or elsewhere—you won't have to tangle with beasts as long as you observe similar precautions. So please take measures to avoid startling goblins, rascals, and rogues. If you visit a dragon's domain, keep your spirit light and jingly. If you use a shortcut that requires you to pass through the wasteland, sing your favorite nonsense songs as you hippety-hop along.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] Few things make me more excited than being able to predict good tidings headed your way. That's why, as I meditated on your upcoming aspects, I found myself teetering on the edge of ecstasy. Here's what I foresee: a renaissance of pleasure . . . an outbreak of feeling fine, both physically and emotionally . . . and an awakening of your deeper capacity to experience joy. Here's your mantra for the week, generated by my friend Rana Satori Stewart: "Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum/Yum, yum, yum, yum, yummy-yum/Yum, yum, yum, yum, yummy, yummy-yum, yum."
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] CNN reported on two neo-Nazi skinheads from Poland, a married couple, who discovered they were Jews. It turned out that during World War II, the truth about their origins had been hidden by their parents for fear of persecution. Years later, when the Jewish Historical Institute in Warsaw informed them that they were members of the group they had hated for so long, they were shocked. Since then, they have become observant Jews who worship at an orthodox synagogue. The new perspective you'll be getting about your own roots may not be as dramatic as theirs, Capricorn. But I bet it will lead to a shift in your self-image. Are you ready to revise your history?
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] My colleague Antero Alli says that a lot of good ideas occur to him while he's taking a shower. He also finds inspiration while riding his bike. Why, then, does he not enjoy biking in the rain? He doesn't know. I bring this up, Aquarius, because you're entering a phase of your cycle when flashes of insight and intuition are likely to erupt at a higher rate than usual. I suggest you aggressively put yourself in every kind of situation that tends to provoke such eruptions—including ones, like maybe riding your bike in the rain, that you haven't tried before.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] Niamh Bond, a British baby, was born on the 10th day of the 10th month of 2010—at exactly 10:10 a.m. and 10 seconds. My friend Allan told me he was driving in suburbia the other day when two white cats bolted across the road right in front of him. And yet as lucky as all of that might sound, it pales in comparison to the good fortune that's headed your way, Pisces. Unlike their luck, which was flashy but ultimately meaningless, yours will be down-to-earth and have practical value.
Homework: What is the first thing you want? What's the last thing? Are they related in any way? Testify at Truthrooster@gmail.com.