By Keegan Hamilton
By Albert Samaha
By Village Voice staff
By Tessa Stuart
By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
ARIES [March 21–April 19] When he was three years old, Charlie Sheen got a hernia from yelling too much and too loud. I don't encourage you to be like that. However, I do think it's an excellent time to tune in to the emotions that first made an appearance when you were very young. Maybe righteous anger is one of those vitalizing emotions, but there must be others as well—crazy longing, ferocious joy, insatiable curiosity, primal laughter. Get in touch with them; invite them to make an appearance and reveal the specific magic they have to give you right now.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] The hydrochloric acid in our digestive system is so corrosive it can dissolve a nail. In other words, you contain within you the power to dematerialize solid metal. Why is it so hard, then, for you to conceive of the possibility that you can vaporize a memory or bad habit? I say you can do just that—especially at this moment, when your capacity for creative destruction is at a peak. Try this: Imagine that the memory or habit you want to kill is a nail. Then picture yourself dropping the nail into a vat of hydrochloric acid. Come back every day and revisit this vision, watching the nail dissolve.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] Now and then I include comments in these horoscopes that might be construed as political. For instance, I have always endorsed a particular candidate in the American presidential elections. Some people are outraged by this, saying, "How dare you?! What do your opinions have to do with my life?!" If you feel that way, you might want to stop reading now. It's my sacred duty to tell you that the twists and turns of political and social issues will be making an increasingly strong impact on your personal destiny in the months ahead. Now let me ask you: Is it possible that your compulsive discontent about certain political issues is inhibiting your capacity for personal happiness?
CANCER [June 21–July 22] If you were a poker player, the odds would now be far better than usual that you'd be voted one of the "50 Sexiest Poker Players in the World." If you were a physician volunteering your services in Haiti or Sudan, there'd be an unusually high likelihood that you'd soon be the focus of a feature story on a TV news show. And even if you were just a pet groomer or life coach or yoga teacher, I bet your cachet would be rising. Why? According to my reading of the omens, you Cancerians are about to be noticed, seen for who you are, or just plain appreciated a lot more than usual.
LEO [July 23–August 22] No other country on the planet has a greater concentration of masterpieces than Italy. As for the place that has the most wonders and scenery per square mile: That's more subjective, but I'd say Hawaii. I encourage you to visit both hot spots—or the closest equivalents you can manage. (If you already live in Italy or Hawaii, you won't have far to go.) In my opinion, you need to be massively exposed to staggering beauty. And I really do mean that you NEED this experience—for your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] Caroline Myss coined the term "woundology": the practice of using our wounds to get power and attention. Why give up our pain when we can wield it to manipulate others? "I am suffering, so you should give me what I want." When we're in pain, we feel we have the right to do things we wouldn't allow ourselves to do, like go on shopping sprees or eat tasty junk food. In this scenario, pain serves us. It's an ally. Your assignment is to get in touch with your version of woundology. Now is a good time to divest yourself of the "advantages" of holding on to your suffering.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] As an American who has lived most of my life in the U.S., I write in English. But for years they have also been translated into Italian for the magazine, Internazionale. Over the years, my readership there has grown so sizable that a publisher approached me to create an astrology book for Italians. Late last year, Robosocopo appeared in Italy but nowhere else. It was an odd feeling to have my fourth book rendered in the Italian language but not in my native tongue. I suspect you'll be having a comparable experience soon. You will function just fine in a foreign sphere.
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] You can gain more power—not to mention charisma, panache, and love—by losing some of your cool. This is one time when too much self-control could actually undermine your authority. So please indulge in a bit of healthy self-undoing, Scorpio. Gently mock your self-importance and shake yourself free of self-images you're pathologically attached to. Fool with your own hard and fast rules in ways that purge your excess dignity and restore at least some of your brilliant and beautiful innocence.