By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21–April 19] I'll offer the following metaphorical scenario: Imagine that you are not a chef, but you do have a modicum of cooking skills. Your task is to create a hearty soup from scratch without a recipe. You will need a variety of ingredients, but you don't want to just throw in a welter of ingredients without regard for how they will all work. You will have to use a trial-and-error approach, sampling the concoction as it brews. One more thing: The final product must not just appeal to you.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] Many artists want "to aim for the biggest, most obvious target, and hit it smack in the bull's eye," says Brian Eno, a Taurus genius renowned for his innovative music. He prefers a different approach. He'd rather "shoot his arrow" wherever his creative spirit feels called to shoot it, then paint the target around the place where it lands. That's why his compositions don't resemble anyone else's or fit into any traditional genre—it's Brian Eno–like music. Can I talk you into trying a similar strategy in the coming weeks and months, Taurus? I'd love to see you create a niche for yourself that's tailored to your specific talents and needs.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] When World War I ended in 1918, the victorious nations demanded crushing financial reparations from the loser, Germany. It took 92 years, but the remaining $94 million of the debt was finally paid last October. I hope this story serves as an inspiration to you, Gemini. If entities as notoriously inflexible as governments can resolve their moldering karma, so can you. In the next few weeks, I'd love to see you finally clean up any messes left over from your old personal conflicts.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] I know how secretive you Cancerians can be because I'm one of your tribe. I'm also aware of how important it is for you to be self-protective. No one is better than you at guarding your goodies and taking care of your well-being. I would never shame you for expressing these talents and I would never ask you to downplay them. Having said that, though, I want to make sure that in the coming weeks they don't interfere with you getting the blessings you deserve. It's crucial that you allow yourself to be loved to the hilt. You simply must let people in far enough so they can do that.
LEO [July 23–August 22] With a fortune of $27 billion, Larry Ellison is the sixth richest person in the world. His monumental sense of self-importance is legendary. One of his colleagues says, "The difference between God and Larry is that God does not believe he is Larry." Ellison seems to be what astrologers call an unevolved Leo—an immature soul whose ego is a greedy, monstrous thing. Evolved Leos, on the other hand, are very different. Are you one? If so, you do a lot of hard work on your ego. You make sure that in addition to it being strong, it's beautiful and elegant. It's not just forceful; it's warm and generous. It gets things done, but in ways that bless those who come in contact with it. For you evolved Leos, this is Celebrate Your Ego Week.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] Seventy-five percent of all adults confess they would like to have sex in the woods at least once in their lives, and yet only 16 percent say they have actually enjoyed that thrill. If you're one of the 59 percent who would like to but haven't, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to make it happen. Your capacity for pleasure in wild places will be at a peak, as will your courage for exotic adventures. In fact, I suggest that between now and May 21 you consider carrying out three fantasies that have been marinating in your imagination for many moons.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] It's time for the Big Squeeze. All the contradictions in your life are coming up for review. You will be asked to deal more forthrightly with enigmas you've been avoiding, and you will be invited to try, try again to unravel riddles you've been unable to solve. Does all that sound a bit daunting? It could be. But the end result should be evocative, highly educational, and maybe even exhilarating. The scintillating play of opposites may caress you with such intensity that you'll experience what we could refer to as a metaphysical orgasm.
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] In the coming weeks, I would love to see you get excited about many different people, places, animals, and experiences. And I hope you will shower them with your smartest, most interesting blessings. Do you think you can handle that big an outpouring of well-crafted passion? Are you up for the possibility that you might blow your cover, lose your dignity, and show how much you care? In my opinion, the answer is yes. You are definitely ready to go further than ever before in plumbing the depths of your adoration for the privilege of being alive.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] Here's poet James Schuyler: "It's time again. Tear up the violets and plant something more difficult to grow." In my opinion, that's almost the right advice for you these days. I'd prefer it if you didn't actually rip out the violets to make room for the harder-to-grow blooms. Would it be possible to find a new planting area that will allow you to keep what you already have in the original planting area? One way or another, I think you really should give yourself a challenging new assignment.
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] "Dear Dr. Brezsny: For five years, my wife and I have been married but have made no children. We have consulted physicians with no satisfying result. Please predict a happy outcome for our troubles. When will the stars align with her womb and my manhood? She: born December 31, 1983 in Chakdaha, India. Me: born January 7, 1984 in Mathabhanga, India. —Desperate for Babies." Dear Desperate: I'm happy to report that you Capricorns have entered a highly fertile period. It's already going strong, and will culminate between May 16 to May 23. I suggest you jump on this sexy opportunity. You couldn't ask for a better time to germinate, burgeon, and multiply.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] "Welcome home, beautiful!" I hope you hear those words or experience those feelings very soon. You need to intensify your sense of belonging to a special place or community. You've got to grow deeper roots or build a stronger foundation or surround yourself with more nurturing—or all of the above. And that's not all. As you bask and thrive in your enhanced support system, you also deserve to feel better appreciated for the wonderful qualities you're working so hard to develop in yourself. Ask and you shall receive.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] Whatever you have been trying to say, it's time to say it stronger and clearer. You can no longer afford to hope people will read your mind or guess what you mean. Your communications must be impeccable and irresistible. A similar principle holds true for the connections and alliances you've been working to ripen. It's time to raise your intensity level—to do everything you can to activate their full potentials. Starting today, you'd be crazy to tolerate shaky commitments, either from yourself or others. Be sharp and focused and unswerving, Pisces—keen and candid and to the point.
Homework: What famous historical personage were you in your past life? If you don't know or weren't really, make something up. Testify at freewillastrology.com.