By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21April 19] The writer John Heywood was a creator of epigrams. I know many of his proverbs that are still invoked, including Haste makes waste, Out of sight, out of mind, Look before you leap, Rome wasnt built in a day, and Do you want to both eat your cake and have it, too? I bring this up because I suspect youre in a Heywoodian phase of your cycle. In the coming weeks, youre likely to unearth a wealth of insights and guiding principles that will serve you into the future.
TAURUS [April 20May 20] If you wish to bake an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe, said Carl Sagan in Cosmos. In other words, the pie cant exist until theres a star orbited by a planet that has spawned intelligent creatures and apples. A lot of preliminaries have to be in place. Keep that in mind as you start out down the long path toward manifesting your own equivalent of the iconic apple pie. You will have to create an entire world to serve as the womb for your brainchild.
GEMINI [May 21June 20] Ill quote Wikipedia: Dawn should not be confused with sunrise, which is the moment when the leading edge of the sun itself appears above the horizon. In other words, dawn comes before the sun has showed itself. Its a ghostly foreshadowinga pale light appearing out of nowhere to tinge the blackness. Where you are right now is comparable to the last hour before the sunrise. When the pale light first appears, dont mistake it for the sun and take premature action. Wait until you can actually see the golden rim rising.
CANCER [June 21July 22] When some readers write to me, they address me as Mr. Brezsny. It reminds me of what happens when a check-out clerk at Whole Foods calls me sir: I feel as if Ive been hit in the face with a cream pielike someone is bashing my breezy, casual self-image with an unwelcome blast of dignity and decorum. So lets get this straight, people: I am not a mister and I am not a sir. Never was, never will be. Now as for your challenges in the coming week, Cancerian: I expect that you, too, may feel pressure to be overly respectable, uncomfortably formal, excessively polite, and in too much control. That would be pushing you in a direction opposite to the one I think you should go.
LEO [July 23August 22] At one point in Alice in Wonderland, a large talking bird known as the Dodo organizes a race with unusual rules. There is no single course that all the runners must follow. Rather, everybody scampers around wherever he or she wants, and decides when to begin and when to end. When the race is all over, of course, its impossible to sort out who has performed best, so the Dodo declares everyone to be the winner. I encourage you to organize and participate in activities like that in the coming weeks, Leo. Its an excellent time to drum up playful victories and easy successes not only for yourself, but for everyone else, too.
VIRGO [August 23September 22] In his book The Rough Guide to Climate Change, Bob Henson talks about the five places to go before global warming messes them up. One such beautiful spot is Colorados Rocky Mountain National Park. Vast swatches of its trees are being ravaged by hordes of pine beetles, whose populations used to be kept under control by frigid winters before the climate began to change. Australias Great Barrier Reef and Switzerlands Alpine glaciers are among the other natural beauties that are rapidly changing form. I suggest that you apply this line of thought to icons with a more personal meaning, Virgo. Nothing stays the same forever, and its an apt time in your astrological cycle to get all you can out of useful and wonderful resources that are in the midst of transformation.
LIBRA [September 23October 22] Theres not a whole lot of funny stuff reported in the Bible, but one case occurred when God told Abraham that he and his wife, Sarah, would be able to conceive their first child. This made Abraham laugh out loud, since he was 99 years old at the time and Sarah was 90. It may have been a while since God has delivered any messages to you, Libra, but my sense is that Shes gearing up for such a transmission as we speak. To receive this cosmic jest in the right spirit, make sure youre not taking yourself too damn seriously.
SCORPIO [October 23November 21] No one in history has ever drunk the entire contents of a ketchup bottle in less than 39 seconds, says the Guinness Book of World Records. However, I believe its possible that a Scorpio daredevil will soon break this record. Right now, your tribe has an enormous power to extract the essence of anything you set your mind to extracting. Youve got the instincts of a vacuum cleaner. Youre an expert at tapping into the source and siphoning off exactly what you need. You know how to suckin the best sense of that wordand youre not shy about sucking.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22December 21] Im not superstitious, said Michael Scott, the former boss in the TV show The Office. Im just a little stitious. From my perspective, Sagittarius, you shouldnt indulge yourself in being even a little stitious in the coming weeks. You have a prime opportunity to free yourself from the grip of at least some of your irrational fears, unfounded theories, and compulsive fetishes. Im not saying that you suffer from more of these delusions than any of the rest of us. Its just that you now have more power than the rest of us to break away from their spell.
CAPRICORN [December 22January 19] In Platos Republic, Socrates speaks derisively about people who are eu a-mousoi, a Greek term that means happily without muses. These are the plodding materialists who have no hunger for inspiration and no need of spiritual intelligence. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Capricorn, you cant afford to be eu a-mousoi in the coming weeks. Mundane satisfactions wont be nearly enough to feed your head and heart. To even wake up and get out of bed each morning, youve got to be on fire with a shimmering dream or a beautiful prospect.
AQUARIUS [January 20February 18] In his Book of Imaginary Beings, Jorge Luis Borges reports the following: Chang Tzu tells us of a persevering man who after three laborious years mastered the art of dragon-slaying. For the rest of his days, he had not a single opportunity to test his skills. I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because my reading of the astrological omens suggests that you, too, may be in training to fight a beast that does not exist. Luckily, youre also in an excellent position to realize that fact, quit the unnecessary quest, and redirect your martial energy into a more worthy endeavor.
PISCES [February 19March 20] Want to see a rabbit chase a snake up a tree? Go watch this video on YouTube: tinyurl.com/BunnyWhipsSnake. If, for some reason, you dont have access to YouTube, then please close your eyes and visualize a cute bunny harassing a six-foot-long snake until it slithers madly away and escapes up a tree. Once you have this sequence imprinted on your minds eye you will, I hope, be energized to try a similar reversal in your own sphere. Dont do anything stupid, like spitting at a Hells Angels dude in a biker bar. Rather, try a metaphorical or psychological version.
Homework: Imagine its 40 years from today. As you look back on your life, what is the one adventure you regret not trying? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.