Why I Hate Celebrities!

49 Furious Reasons!

They claw their way to the top, then act like they’re desperate not to be noticed. ... Their pulverized foreheads look a tad out of place in films about 16th-century England. ... They have a dress for each disease and a sound bite for every charity gala that pays them to attend with a concerned facial expression. … Hitler could be rising to power again, but they wouldn’t say anything for fear the controversy might mess up their next game-show cameo. … They will cash in and sneakily do ad campaigns for Europe and Asia, as if those places don’t really matter. … They’re such unrelenting narcissists that even when they have sex, they feel they have to film it.

They won’t tell you they’re gay because that’s too private, but they’ll describe at length the way their mother died a grisly death due to alcoholism and STDs. … If they do come out, you usually end up going, “Who?” … They can’t even wake up without a manager, stylist, nutritionist, and acting coach telling them how to brush their teeth. … They think Planet Hollywood is a museum. … When they win an Oscar, they make a point of acknowledging how great the four other nominees were, as the camera catches them squirming. … They will use a baby for career gain, trotting them out of their vaginas for regular photo-ops. … They give their kids hideous names that will guarantee they’ll be tortured for life, as if they wouldn’t be already. … They push their children into showbiz, then have breakdowns when the kids become more successful than they are.

The second they hit it big, they buy a $16 million mansion complete with a mortgage, as if they’re actually going to be big for 30 years. … They think that because they’re famous, they should automatically branch out and sing bluegrass, write poetry, open three restaurants, and, worst of all, direct. … They think they’re above the law, and, thanks to the bizarre phenomenon of celebrity justice, they usually are. … When they get caught, they invariably call their lawyer with one hand and Saturday Night Live with the other. … They use world crises as career-saving opportunities, blithely veering back and forth between rehab and Haiti. … When their movie careers hit a snag, they crash-land on Broadway, crowing, “The theater has always been my first love!”

They make public statements about how they’ve turned down Glee, leaving out the fact that they haven’t been asked. . . . They’re more famous than I am. … They hire vicious publicists to do their dirty work while they sit back and bat their eyes demurely. … They, like, you know, never, like, learned how to, you know, talk in correct sentences.

They’re so lifted they look like a tuna sandwich in a Ziploc bag, but they still can’t seem to get their eyes closer together. … After five facelifts, they talk about how wonderful it is to get older, using elaborately Photoshopped magazine spreads to gush about the wonders of aging. … They’ll sue tabloids for distortions, but somehow never sue their surgeons for the same. … They make sure to mention in every interview that they’re actually way younger than the role they just played. … They quit their illegal-drug addictions in favor of prescription-drug addictions and consider that a healthy choice. … They Google themselves so often they can no longer snap their fingers at servants. … They crank out endless Tweets about how epic their shoot was for the new Candie’s ad campaign. … They haven’t sung live since the Mouseketeers. … They come on to their daughter at their ex-wife’s funeral.

They’ll put riders in their contracts detailing what flavor Skittles they want and how they are to be addressed (if at all), but they often forget to read the part about what their responsibility is. … They didn’t realize that the $10 million they made off that TV show was reportable to the IRS. … When they meet their hot new co-star and start shtupping them, they convince themselves it’s true love and promptly dump their last hot new co-star, the one they married six months ago. … They get so sucked up into the “I’m such a fan/Let’s have lunch” schmooze game with each other that every word they spew in public seems like just another performance.

They’ll make biopics crucifying famous figures as twisted bizarros, but to avoid lawsuits and negative buzz, they’ll promote them as glowing portraits of real-life heroes. … They talk endlessly about their “craft,” even though they basically learned acting by faking orgasms on a succession of casting couches. … They’ve never met a cookie they haven’t tried to vomit. … Now that they finally have a ton of money, they’ve strangely decided that they want everything for free.

They work on their physiques at least 12 hours a day, but then insist on a body double. … They all think they’re the ones who can make the Oscars young, relevant, and funny again. … They circle the block at premieres, waiting to make an entrance only after their co-star does. (This sometimes results in gala events where no one gets out of their cars.) … They sign up for train-wreck-style reality shows, then complain, “The editing didn’t make me look good!” … Then they’ll sign up for another train-wreck–style reality show. … They’ll write a book before actually reading a book.

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43 comments
lonelysam_maddog
lonelysam_maddog

I hate celebrities, but I hate the industry more. The only thing celebrities should be given any attention to is their craft, their art. But, they're not. Besides their art, their personal lives is put on display as well, therefore they have to be fake. They have to lie because no one can have light shone on their personal life and not have very bad things exposed in the process. So, I hate them for being liars, but I know they have to be. I wish there were some famous celebrities strong enough to fight against this, but all that money that they're being spoiled with makes them weak and silly. I think I feel more sorry for them than I do hatred.

mary800
mary800

Dear readers please do not be mistaken. Similar to many other remarkable individuals, Justin Bieber’s personal efforts have to date benefited all of us by directly and indirectly collecting over $100,000,000 dollars for untold charities and societies worldwide. He has also dedicated thousands of hours to supporting social causes and others less fortunate. His work ethic and business acumen has been compared to Warren Buffet, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. He accomplished all of this before his 19th birthday. Thank you, Justin, we love you.

At the same time there are individuals who choose to display hateful opinions towards many remarkable and successful individuals. Please don’t let short term intentionally derogatory Social Media BS cloud your judgments. Take back control of your emotions and always question Social Media BS. Choose to be positive. A positive approach will also serve you well in your personal and family lives. It’s a personal choice. It’s your choice. Let’s start anew and end hate. Thank you for reading our message and for your considerations.

douchey
douchey

Nice hypocritical soft pedal at the end there, partner.  "Gutsy magic" -- is that what it's called to gargle celebrity cock?

ninasooz
ninasooz

you had to add the last line right? Just to keep your ass safe. fuck you. you almost seemed to have balls.

Justinjames Roche
Justinjames Roche

I have come to the conclusion that the majority of celebrities are complete idiots (who believe slander and who are willing to ruin peoples lives based on this slander) or even worse, are nasty sadistic criminals who abuse their wealth, power/influence for personal entertainment and to settle petty grievances.

And sometimes. to ruin peoples lives who are either effecting their profit margin (through political activism) or who are making them look bad for making them conform to the same laws that the rest of society have to conform to.

And with the western worlds almost non-existant laws to protect normal individuals from slander or smear, especially when the victims have no financial resources or live in cousntries such as Great Britian, where suing anyone for slander is much harder than in the US.What defense does a normal person have against an industry of power hungry power abusing liars who have access to billions of dollars in finacial resources and all the contacts in the world.Hardly a fair fight?

But I guess when a celebrity is a child molestor / rapist or murderer. they have a lot to hide and will do anything to pervert the course of justice and stop society from fy orcing the extremely wealthy to conform to the same laws that they are forced to live by.

I used to really like some celebrities but after gaining a real insight to their true volatile nature, I realise that many of them are real scum bags.

Unfortunately such people who are in the public eye constantly, also greatly influence society, so if they brain wash society into believing their atrocious acts are acceptable for those who have the power, then the general public often start prescribing to their opinion as well.

Therefore, due to this, I have changed the way that I think. I used to decide who is decent and worthy of respect based on a process of elimination (i.e. people are accepting until they prove other wise).I now think completely differently in that instead of having a process of elimination, I use a process of acceptance. This, obviously means that you have less buddies, but trojan buddies or people who are only your mate so they can exploit you arent really your buddy now are they.

This goes more so for the celebrity class. As they generally are exploitative in nature.Although, there are acceptions to the rule.Thanks

Justin
Justin

Most people do not understand that actors are actually acting in films and on tv.Musicians that write and sing/play beautiful music seldom are nothing like their songs depict them. In short. Most celebrities may have talent but seldom live up to their public image as nice people.

I think that the people who produce Big Brother, should produce a series where celebrities get shut in with their own fans. The fans can then find out what ass holes their heros are in real life (if they can step out of their fantasy).

Most of the celebrities are horrible, selfish, theiving b-stards who will do anything to keep on the top including robbing from the poor and in some cases even murder.

I am surprised that religious terrorists do not target them. As, if you want people to stop acting like the ass holes they look up to, the ass holes have to either change or disappear.(for the record, I am not a terrorist).

Kirkury
Kirkury

F' you for the last paragraph. Eat shite.

Justin James Roche
Justin James Roche

I agree with much of what is written, although, my reasons to hate celebrities may be more complex in nature.

Some of the reasons why I hate some celebrities is that some are greedy, arrogant, obnoxious, sadistic, selfish, manipulative, abusive, and in some cases, just plane nasty.

It is my belief that some of them also use their fame/wealth/power to live above the law.Some may even murder, certainly some also steal their ideas and then ruin the original authors.

They get away with all this due to their own privaleged standing, but also due to their connections within their celebrity family.

On top of this, many of them refuse to be accounted for their crimes. And thats when they are even charged, as I imagine most the time celebrities do not get charged and get off scot free.

I also am disgusted that some of these people, who really are only normal people, hourd such large amounts of wealth which they often use irresponsibly.

I mean, we live in a world where more than 50 % of the inhabitants live under the poverty threshold and these celebrities do very little to help. Sure, in order to achieve great things, people need large amounts of capital, and we all enjoy a good movie, however, there must be a line drawn somewhere where people decide what is more important, another movie or millions of innocent lives in the 3rd world.

I think that since the invention of the silver screen, the entire 1st world has been brain washed into believing that actors deserve the money they earn. If we date such professions as acting and musicianship back a couple of hundred years, we will see that actors although quiet interesting were not capable of earning large amounts of fiscal revenue.

I do not think even William Shakespear was that well off, and as for musicians, the only people who earnt any really sizable amounts were classical composers such as mozart (for his very brief time on our planet).

Shakespears actors were seldom remembered and seldom yielded any power, let alone be considered the most powerful people in society.

Personally, if I was able to change the way the entertainment industry worked, I would allow actors to make a reasonable living in normal standards while enforcing the rest of the money that they earn to be paid to the best charity of their choice. Same goes for sportsmen.

Such a structure would address some of the imbalances within society and would perhaps ground some of the more irresponsible "stars".

Such a system would also save millions of lives and help create a harmonious world.

Another area that upsets me about Celebrities is how they are Dogs for hire, used by political agents to ruin / smear or even murder the political opponents.

I have seen first hand how celbrities have sold their souls in order to murder through smear innocent people who attempt to fight against the present system of wealth supremacists.

Such people who question always get a hard time and end up getting ruined.People should continue to question the present system as it is still far from fair.

Politicians should learn that every one on this planet deserves their say and just because some of these people do not come from wealthy background, who were not born with a silver spoon in their mouths, and have not gone to harvard/oxford/chambridge,does not mean that theif opinons are not valid.

Some times, intelligent people come from poor families, and the only reason why they have not been more sucessful is because they are honest and decent and refuse to act in an immoral mannor.

Time evil celbrities are forced to be nice!!!Polanski, Ritchie, Owen etc.Time you were all forced to stop playing your games and make the world a better place not a worst one.

Foxzilla
Foxzilla

Meh I was a celeb pa for 4 yrs before I was able to quit and im saying is there all really different. You have your brats like li-lo, megan fox, etc....these people are really low ranked in the celeb world honestly theyre just hot and so theyre stuck up. Big surprise. People like Gywneth, brad (who is quite pleasent), pocino, etc are just picky. Why? Ifut you had people do to them what theyve had done to them youd be the same, plus my guy was on the road abt 223 days of a yr if not more and their free time is so sparce that theyre not gonna waste it. Now atheltes and models are some of the worst in my opinion. I cant stand 'em. Musicians are generally pretty cool except for pop stars...why? Cause theyre surrounded by nothing but yes man ass kissers. Honestly it was the most torturess 4 yrs of my life. I love Australia for the reason their celebs arent gods to them and I applaud them. Be inspired by them sure! But to imatate and stalk them is a wasted life. These people are not holy, trust me. Most are Stoners and drunks, sorry hollywood but you really need a total adjustment. Also sad this writer didnt stick to their story, its like saying something is so ugly its cute. It maybe true for pugs but not 22 yr olds w cokr addictions and an entourage of sluts so they feel at home at all their fav night clubs while the media cant wait to twist everything they do to make wuick dollar of the ppl drooling afyer them 'cause their like totally fav person' cause you can relate with them while you were growing up.

Knotkool
Knotkool

the end lets us see that you are a pos, wanna be whore. the rest of the article was right on.

Larz Blackman
Larz Blackman

It was a good piece until the ending. Why did you do that? It was forced and fake -- just like a Hollywood movie wherein some producer has made the writers create a bogus happy ending.

Annhumphreville
Annhumphreville

Bro' -- don't you make a good living off celebrities' mindless foibles. You should love them! Otherwise, you might have ended up in law school like me.

I love kim
I love kim

KIM K, SUPERSTAR

I am 30 years old and act like a vain and self-obsessed 13-year old. My dream was always to become a princess, but I became an anal porn star but I still think I am a princess. My body is full of plastic surgery. My boobs, azz, lips, teeth, cheeks, nose, facelift etc. are all bought and paid for, courtesy of a plastic surgeon. The reason why my hair is beautiful is because its fake. I was also jealous of Paris Hilton and put out a SEX TAPE because she did. I idolized Paris Hilton. I used to hang on her like a koala bear all the time, to get my picture taken by the paparazzi. Until 2007 I did cocaine. I know there are pictures as proof, but I will deny it forever.

My pimp mother, Kris, fvcked the pool boy while my father, Robert Kardashian, was at work. He was one of the lawyers that helped keep OJ Simpson out of jail after he killed Ron Goldman and his ex-wife Nicole. Anyway, the result was my pathetic half gorilla sister Khloe, who is a whore just like me. Whenever my mouth is moving I am lying, as I am INCAPABLE of telling the truth about anything. I pretend that if I lie about things people will eventually believe it. The way I walk, talk, and laugh is fake; and if you look into my eyes you can even see that my soul is fake.

Although I pretended to be upset by the sex tape, I was the one that sent it to Vivid Entertainment, and they paid me $5 million to expose my nasty self. Ray J had nothing to do with the leaked sex tape. I tricked him into making a porn film with me for distribution. My former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, knows what happened! I am just waiting for him, and many more, to come out and reveal how I really am.I exploit my FAKE body all of the time because I lack intelligence, class, dignity, self-respect, elegance, and morals. I really am a very dirty woman.

My ex husband Damon Thomas whom I married at the age of 19 in Las Vegas publicly called me: untalented, a trashy whore, desperate, a plastic surgery addict, a backstabber (to my family), and a cheater. I have no real friends because I have misused and stepped on everybody that has come my way for fame. I am currently using social medias to snake my way in to other celebrity’s lives for friendship and publicity. I show up like a diva to all kind of award shows that I have NO business at all to attend. The only award show I should attend is the AVN. I call the paparazzi myself. I learned that trick from Paris Hilton, but I’m too cheap to buy their lunch like she does.

I am 25% iranien and 25% Turkish but armenian sounds better. My ancestors were Muslims.

I have NO talent what so ever. I was thrown off Dancing with the Stars on the second week. I made a work out video that clearly shows I have never worked out in my life. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but after seeing the proofs they refuse to acknowledge me. I got a Razzie for my horrendous performance in the parody Disaster Movie. I should have gotten one for my sextape as well. My song JAM, I have no words for. It is the most annoying and pitiful song in history. I sing like an unmusical, tone deaf, four year old who wants a cookie from Grandma. Anybody who don’t like me for the rotten and lying whore that I am I call haters or jealous!

We, the Kardashians, call each other dolls, and I alone have tainted the pussycat dolls by heisting their concept. I pretend that I care about others, but I could not care less. I only care about myself. I tried to fvck over children by selling them an insane debit Master Card with predatory fees. It was unfortunately taken off the market after 1 week under threat of legal action from several states. Thankfully I found a new way to rip off the kids with glam silly bandz. Over weight children should skip normal diet & exercise and do shady diet pills or lipo-suction like me.

I Stole $120k from Ray J and Brandy’s mother, Sonja Norwood, credit card. After being busted I paid her back with the money I got from the sex tape I made with her son. That’s the circle life, Mrs. Norwood. The clothes at Dash are pure knock offs from top brands and designers. I don’t even know how to sew on a button or sketch anything. But I call myself a fashion designer. The logo on my perfumes is a complete rip of from Korcula creator Lindley Bertin.

For World AIDS Day I went off social medias until my fans had raised $1M.I was confident that within 12 hours I would be back. Seven days later I had to be bailed out by a billionaire who wanted to spare me shame. This is how much my «fans» value and missed me.

I have never been single because I am to scared to spend time with myself. I am looking very much forward to the day my grand children sits on my lap and ask me if I am an anal porn star because that’s what everybody in kindergarten will say.I also love to flaunt my gigantic fake hippo azz. It’s my calling card for any rich Black man that wants to ram my azz hard and move on! Evan Ross, Marquis Houston, Scott Storch, Fabolous, The Game, Nick Cannon, Nick Lachey, Tyson Beckford, William ‘Ray J’ Norwood, Reggie Bush, Christiano, Chengo (The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies ever) Miles Austin, Gabriel Aubry (only because everybody said I was only into black guys) Kanye West, and soon Kris Humpries; are just a FEW of the men that have ALL fvcked, pissed in my mouth, AND dumped me. They know that I am trash and that brings their reputations down to the gutter with mine. I will fvck anyone for publicity. I have had many STDs, but the only one I have now is herpes (got that from Paris too). I am pathetic, plastic, and terribly insecure.

I am the worst «rolemodel» that has ever walked this planet.

I am a national and international joke, and gave out my own ANAL/PISS SEX TAPE to get famous. I am a human toilet. I am clearly a very sick human being and I’m 100% shameless. I am the filthiest famewhore in the whole wide world!

I am Kim Kardashian… Superstar

Lakotawinter
Lakotawinter

This masterpiece should be cut out, enlarged and framed in every agent and manager's office! When 'Star' gets a little cranky they should be forced to read it 100 times. Out loud! Bravo, Mr. Musto! This is the best description of celebrities I have ever read! And I go back 70 yrs!

flexfuzz
flexfuzz

We can't live without them. They are both amazing, and a pain in the butt.

Speaking as one of the proud Musto Men, thanks again for your wit and insight.

Gadare
Gadare

Funny, funny, funny... truthful wisdom from a stellar Sag. Esp loved the one about tabloid/distortions.

nmsmiami
nmsmiami

wow-like Red Skelton Musto calls 'em as he sees 'em-much not to argue with here!refreshing take on our American royalty!

voxpop
voxpop

BEST EFFING ARTICLE YOU EVER WROTE!! well at least of the ones i've read....

Andybuildz
Andybuildz

Michael..think they'd let you read that at the next Oscars? THAT my friend deserves an Oscar....ohhh...sorry..didn't mean to soil your words. Brilliant!

Dlance
Dlance

You left out the eponymous perfume and clothing lines (as if their olfactory prowess hadn't been obfuscated by all that coke and their sartorial choices weren't made by stylists and the publicists for actual clothing designers.)

Guest Host
Guest Host

Every word a gem! Thanks for the laffs.

Karenatasha
Karenatasha

Delightful, superbly written, and all too true! Thanks!

Lost Weekend
Lost Weekend

But, darling,without all of this, there wouldn't be a Sundance every year!

Musto
Musto

Thank you, Savannah, and all you other kids.

Savannah Mongomery
Savannah Mongomery

You walked that tightrope brilliantly, a rant w/o being bitchy!!!!

Kudos MM!!

Melissa Manchester
Melissa Manchester

i don't usually enjoy ur posts but I REALLY ENJOYED THIS 1 CUZ IT IS TRUE, so THANK U.

Neilan Tyree
Neilan Tyree

Oh! My! GAWD!!!!!

You have been on QUITE a brilliant tear recently. But THIS opus?

I am LEVITATING after having howled through the entire column. THE best one I've read ANYWHERE in YEARS! It's like some kind of crowning achievement.

Right up there with the Beatles final performance. Or the opening night of "West Side Story." Or Maria Callas' "Madama Butterfly" in Chicago in 1955 that forever after attached DIVA to her name. Or the final episode of "M*A*S*H."

Seriously, Michael. Set THIS one aside for future publication in "The Best of Musto."

BRAVA! BRAVA!

Lol
Lol

Yeah, those overly pearlized thangs that they sport. Otherwise, perfect column. Loved it!!!

tony adams
tony adams

Their teeth. Dear God, their teeth!

Barkley
Barkley

Funny and well written but I miss the gossip!

KennyK
KennyK

Mr. Michael Musto - you are Fabulous! I love your honesty, directness, humor and most of all, the use of Potty-Mouth Words!

juliarix
juliarix

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Dingle
Dingle

The one about grandma made me spit out my juice.

Park
Park

Hilarious shit! You have nailed it again.

Knotkool
Knotkool

the only thing worse than a celeb is a low yer.

lonelysam_maddog
lonelysam_maddog

@I love kimYou know there is something so wrong in their entertainment industry when somebody like Kim K is popular.

puck30
puck30

That was 'f'n' brilliant man BRAVO!

Bjorn
Bjorn

These are the truest words ever uttered by man or machine. Bravo.

 
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