By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21April 19] The film The Men Who Stare at Goats tells the story of the U.S. Armys efforts to harness psychic powers for military purposes. Its not entirely a work of the imagination. In fact, theres evidence that such a program actually existed. As the movie begins, a caption on the screen says, More of this is true than you would believe. I suspect therell be a comparable situation unfolding in your life in the coming weeks. As you experience an unusual departure from your regularly scheduled reality, fact and fiction may be deeply intertwined. Will you be able to tell them apart?
TAURUS [April 20May 20] I dreamed you were a member of an indigenous tribe in New Guinea. You had recently begun to show unusual behavior that suggested you were developing enhanced cognitive abilities. Youd solved one of the tribes long-standing problems, were spontaneously spouting improvised poetry, and had been spotted outside late at night having animated conversations with the stars. Some of your friends and relatives were now referring to you by a new name that in your native tongue meant the one who dances naked with the deities. How would you interpret my dream, Taurus? I think it suggests you could be on the verge of growing an intriguing new capacity or two.
GEMINI [May 21June 20] In the northern reaches of Greenland, the sun sets on November 29 every year and doesnt rise again until January 13. This year, to the shock of locals, sunlight broke over the horizon on January 11two days ahead of schedule. Though some theorized that this disturbance in the age-old rhythm was due to a shift in the earths axis or rotation, scientists suggested that the cause was global warming: Melting ice has caused the horizon to sink. I expect something equally monumental to make an appearance in your world soon.
CANCER [June 21July 22] Im not a big fan of the No Pain, No Gain school of thought. Personally, I have drummed up more marvels through the power of bliss than I have from hauling 1,000-pound burdens across the wasteland. But I do recognize that in my own story as well as in others, hardship can provoke inspiration. I think it may be one of those moments for you, Cancerian. Please accept this medicinal prod from the ancient Roman poet Horace: Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents that in times of prosperity would have lain dormant.
LEO [July 23August 22] In Beyond the Mexican Bay, Aldous Huxley observed that the natural rhythm of human life is routine punctuated by orgies. He was using the word orgies in its broadest sensenot to refer to sex parties, but rather to eruptions of passion and spirited rituals of relief and release. Thats the kind of orgy youre due for, Leo. Its high time to punctuate your routine.
VIRGO [August 23September 22] The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do, wrote Walter Bagehot. I dont think thats the supreme joy possible to a human being; but it has a provocative appeal. May I recommend that you explore it in the coming weeks, Virgo? The astrological omens suggest youre in an excellent position to succeed at an undertaking youve been told is unlikely or even impossible for you to accomplish.
LIBRA [September 23October 22] When people unsubscribe from my newsletter, theyre asked to say why theyre leaving. A dissatisfied customer recently wrote, Because you are a crackhead who makes no sense. You sound like you write these horoscopes while youre stoned on mushrooms. For the record, I not only refrain from crack and magic mushrooms while crafting your oracles, I dont partake of any intoxicants at any other timenot even beer or pot. Im secretly a bit proud, however, that the ex-reader thinks my drug-free mind is so wild. In the coming week, I invite you to try an experiment inspired by this: Without losing your mind, see if you can shed some of the restrictions you allow to impinge on the free and creative play of your mind.
SCORPIO [October 23November 21] The roots of big old trees are your power objects. I advise you to visualize them in your minds eye for a few minutes. Doing this will help you find the deeper sources of nurturing you need. Another exercise thats likely to energize you in just the right way is to picture yourself at age 77. I suggest you create a detailed vision of who youll be at that time. See yourself drinking a cup of tea as you gaze out over a verdant valley on a sunny afternoon in June. What are you wearing? What kind of tea is it? What birds do you see? What are your favorite memories of the last 30 years?
SAGITTARIUS [November 22December 21] If youre a physicist or Wall Street broker, your assignment this week is to read the poetry of Pablo Neruda. If youre a kirtan-chanting yogini or the author of a New Age self-help newsletter, your task is to read up on the scientific method. If youre white, be black, and vice versa. If youre yellow, be violet, and if red, be green. If youre a tight-fisted control freak, try being a laid-back connoisseur of the mellowest vibes imaginableand vice versa. Its Mix-It-Up Week, Sagittariusa time to play with flipping and flopping your usual perspectives, roles, and angles.