By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21April 19] You have a poetic license to be extra cute in the coming week. I mean you have a divine mandate to exceed the levels of being adorable and delectable. Heres the problem with that, though: Trying to be cute doesnt usually result in becoming cuter; often it leads to being smarmy and pretentious. So how can you take advantage of the cosmic imperative to be wildly, extravagantly, sublimely cutewithout getting all self-conscious about it? Thats your riddle of the week.
TAURUS [April 20May 20] It would be an excellent week for you to declare war on everything that wastes your time. Well, maybe declaring war is not quite the right spirit to adopt; after all, we dont want you to go around constantly enraged and hostile. How about: Its prime time for you to ingeniously and relentlessly elude all activities, invitations, temptations, trains of thought, and habits that offer you nothing in return for the precious energy you give to them. Of course this is always a worthy project, but it so happens that youre likely to achieve far more progress than usual if you do it now.
GEMINI [May 21June 20] Jane Goodall, who lived for years among chimpanzees in Tanzania, is one of the worlds top experts on the creatures. Can you guess what her favorite toy was when she was young? A stuffed monkey, of course. There were no doubt foreshadowings like that in your own childhood or adolescence, Gemini. Right? Signs of the magic you would eventually seek to ripen? Seeds of destiny that had just begun to sprout? Now would be a good time to reflect on those early hints. Youll benefit from updating your understanding of and commitment to the capacities they revealed.
CANCER [June 21July 22] After all these years, the American presidential election of 2000 still makes me cringe. Because of the archaic laws governing the process, the candidate who lost the election actually got 543,895 more votes than the guy who won. It was perverse. Id say the same thing if the roles had been reversed, and Gore had become president with fewer votes than Bush. You must not let something comparable to this happen in your personal life in the coming weeks. It is crucial that every winner be the one who deserves to be.
LEO [July 23August 22] I dreamed you had been tending an unusual garden for months. Your crops werent herbs or flowers or vegetables, but rather miniature volcanoes. They erupted with a steady flow of liquid blue fire that you were harvesting in large, gold, Grail-like cups. Apparently this stuff was not only safe to drink, but energizing. You sipped some of the potion and distributed the rest to a large gathering of enthusiastic people who had come to imbibe your tasty medicine. The mood was festive, and you were radiant. This dream of mine is a good metaphor for your life in the immediate future.
VIRGO [August 23September 22] Darryl Dawkins played professional basketball from 1975 to 1996. One of the sports more colorful personalities, he said he lived part-time on the planet Lovetron, a place where he perfected his interplanetary funkmanship. He also liked to give names to his slam dunks. The Turbo Sexophonic Delight was a favorite, but the best was his Chocolate-Thunder-Flying, Teeth-Shaking, Glass-Breaking, Rump-Roasting, Bun-Toasting, Wham-Bam-I-Am Jam. I encourage you to try some Darryl Dawkinslike behavior in your own chosen field, Virgo. Give a name to your signature move or your special play. With playful flair, let people know how much you love what you do and how good you are at what you do.
LIBRA [September 23October 22] According to research published in The Journal of Personality, many college students prefer ego strokes to sex. Given the choice between making love with a desirable partner and receiving a nice big compliment, a majority opted for the latter. In the near future, Libra, its important that you not act like one of these self-esteem-starved wimps. You need the emotional and physical catharsis that can come from erotic union and other sources of pleasurable intensity far more than you need to have your pride propped up.
SCORPIO [October 23November 21] An uncanny stretching sensation will soon be upon you. Whether youre prepared or not, you will be asked, prodded, and maybe even compelled to expand. It could feel stressful or exhilarating or both. And it will probably force you to rethink your fascination with anyone or anything you love to hate. For best results, I suggest that you dont resist the elongation and enlargement. In fact, it would be a very good idea to cooperate. As the odd magic unfolds, it will increase your capacity for taking advantage of paradox. It may also give you a surprising power to harness the energy released by the friction between oppositional forces.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22December 21] Youre in a phase of your astrological cycle when youre likely to be as attractive and endearing and in demand as its possible for you to be. I am not making any absurdly extravagant claims heream not implying youll be as charismatic as a rock star and as lovable as a kittenbut you will be pushing the limits of your innate allure. I bet your physical appearance will be extra appealing, and youll have an instinct for highlighting the most winsome aspects of your personality. To help you take advantage of the potential thats now available, please add the following word to your vocabulary: concupiscible, which means worthy of being desired.
CAPRICORN [December 22January 19] Nicolas Cage is a Capricorn. While performing his film roles, he often loses his composure. Of course the crazy things he does as an actor arent real and dont lead to dire consequences in his actual life. But they afford him a great deal of emotional release. Lets hypothesize that, like Cage, you could benefit from expressing the hell out of yourself without causing any mayhem. Is there a cork-lined sanctuary where you could go and safely unveil explosions of extreme emotions? Or some equivalent?
AQUARIUS [January 20February 18] My divinations suggest that youd be wise to assign yourself an errand in the wilderness. The nature of the errand has not been revealed to me, but I suspect it involves you going to an untamed place whose provocative magic will tangibly alter your consciousness, awakening you to some truth about your destiny that youve been unable to decipher. I also believe your task is more likely to succeed if you create a small, whimsical shrine there in your ad hoc sanctuary.
PISCES [February 19March 20] Do you have any idea of how many of your diapers your mother changed when you were a baby? It was almost certainly over 1,000. Have you ever calculated how many meals she prepared for you? That number probably exceeds 10,000. While were on the subject, do you remember who taught you to read and write? Can you visualize the face of the first person besides your parents who made you feel interesting or well-loved or real? I encourage you to follow this line of thought as far as you can. Its a perfect time, astrologically speaking, to visualize memories of specific times youve been well cared for and thoroughly blessed.
Homework: Tell a story about the time Spirit reached down and altered your course in one tricky swoop. Write: FreeWillAstrology.com.