How To Avoid Alkies And Druggies!

I'm running from you drunks and druggies as fast as I can.

I'm not trivializing substance abuse. People should feel free to befriend these lifetime druggies and help, support, or even enable them, if that's your dark desire. But I hope it doesn't dampen anyone's high if my approach is to pack up my compassion and run far, far away, toward the nearest Jamba Juice. Does what I'm saying make any sense to you?

Courtesy Flickr/Funniefarm5

musto@villagevoice.com

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20 comments
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Shemp
Shemp

Alkies & drug-heads are (notoriously) unreliable and generally self-absorbed.

Sakara
Sakara

and then there are the druggies and drunks who have forever been on welfare/social security---one of them who once lived near me just died recently, thankfully; he burnt down his place when he got evicted, almost killed a driver when a bullet he fired went through an open car window, was arrested numerous times, and finally got hit by a car at age 60 before he could return and make my life hell again.

Jesse Archer
Jesse Archer

"donut with epilepsy"!! I love it. Especially love thoughtful pieces like this one, and yes - why is it I'm more fun when I'm wasted?

guest
guest

Far too much sense, I'm afraid.

kirbykirby
kirbykirby

Love you, Musto, but without those druggie drinkers you would barely have a column. Michael Alig and company, anyone?

robby
robby

some of my best creation was done by a fierce night of bar-hopping,followed by the morning/after, now 8+yrs. of Total abstaining from the stuff, my life story will be in a mov-umentary; partly, The Starck Club,dallas cant wait to see it," i love yourself ,too."M.M.,your just too witty for me-luv ya,p.s. the "managability" was spot-on.

jonster
jonster

I find some addicts repulsive. I was getting into my car once and a hood rat ran over to ask for money to help feed her baby. She looked like she weighed 95 pounds. I kept saying, "I got nothing to help you." She thought I didn't believe her story. So she lifted up her sweaty t-shirt, aimed her tit at me, and fired. I watched as an arc of crackmama milk shot by me and splooged on my car window. Major gross-out. People shouldn't put themselves, or their children, in that desperate a situation before seeking help. I have empathy for some, but not after the age of 40, unless some terrible thing has caused them to become unhinged. Burned one too many times by friends with hidden habits.

Tampontammy
Tampontammy

Speaking of .... whatever happened to Bella Bolski?

Dugaldo
Dugaldo

Working the door at a bar is a great way to see that split personality effect. Usually the muscle bottoms, new twinks on the scene or hipster run-off queer boys who sneer at you when you check I.D. or contents of their purse, happen to be the same sloppy asses who throw their sweaty shirtless selves all over you after a few drink specials and bump in the bathroom stall. I'm not gonna say the quick shift in dynamic isn't fun to watch or write about though, it is.

I'm lucky enough myself to engage multiple personalities over a bowl of cereal, but a night of too much drinking is a sure-fire way to let the hot mess personalities out to do a little damage to my good name.

I'm curious Musto, was there ever a time when you did indulge in a little not-so-clear-headed-ness?

Movielover
Movielover

I must admit I like people who can have a little fun drinking (light) drugging, but only if they can step outside themselves and have this kind of fun and then come back to "normalcy." I like to be able to get a little tipsy with somebody, but it seems like most people I meet never drink a drop, either they had gone way off the deep end before or they just think it's no fun.

Danielnardicio
Danielnardicio

great insight Michael- since i quit doing stuff a few years ago, people ask me when i'm out if it's difficult not drinking or doing coke in bars. I usually tell them it can be a little difficult at the beginning of the evening, but by 2am i just look around me and see the behavior which makes me feel way better about my choice.

tony adams
tony adams

The best part of mingling with druggies and alkies at a bar is scooping up the dropped cash. We call it taxi money.

tony adams
tony adams

Yes, what you say makes sense. Because I never did any drug other than pot, I can rarely spot drugged behavior. 5AM at the Black Party, I'd be stepping over the bodies while drinking the coffee and eating the bananas. Here's another reason to keep your head on straight. Recently, I was slipped a mickey at a social event. Not pretty. Now I have an outsized fear of accepting a drink from anyone except the bartender or my husband.

Jo_z
Jo_z

"he looked like a doughnut with epilepsy" - bahahhahahahaha.

Musto
Musto

I don't find addicts repulsive. I explained that it's an illness. I simply find those who don't accept that they have an illness or a problem annoying because they continue to screw people over (as well as screwing over themselves) without attempting help. This is not an aesthetic judgement, it's a matter of what's best for me and for them.

Fayetteville
Fayetteville

No one can be mad about what you wrote since no one admits to having a problem! And those that DO admit it are Ok with you, so they'll be fine.

Margiela
Margiela

I found this to be appalling but also hilarious and honest, so keep on truthing.

RFScalf
RFScalf

"Does what I'm saying make any sense to you?" oh sure. You make it clear that you find addicts repulsive. Makes sense. What's not totally clear is why, beyond a set of individual preferences, you feel this way. Do you find fat people repulsive? You make this sound like an aesthetic judgement; and that just isn't very interesting.

Rogie
Rogie

Occasionally someone misreads the Musto, and it turns out they're wrong, probably not very smart or (coincidentally) high on something. Best policy, for those who get offended: read again first. Slowly and carefully. Better yet, read up first on humor, sarcasm, self-depreciation, camp, and absurdity. (A long list, but not that hard to absorb, really.)

Ericy0711
Ericy0711

Or he just skimmed it and missed the point. So many other ways to respond to that yet you chose the condescending SOB route.

 
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