Why I Hate Nightlife! 35 Bitter Reasons!

The never-ending quest for the VIP room and other indignities

But the main reason I hate nightlife is that I'm still drawn to it after all these years, and as a result, I drag my ass to clubs and bars on a regular basis, feeling like a diabetic in a candy store but always enjoying the cathartic freedom that nonconformity brings. Cheers. Vomit bag!

Daniel Zalkus

musto@villagevoice.com

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15 comments
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Hahaha great read!

Francine Fishpaw
Francine Fishpaw

You only forgot one BIG thing, the music in the bars today has been horrendous and dreadful ever since Razor and Guido, Thunderpuss, Many Lemmons, Peter Wrong-hoffer, Traci Old, etc. came on the scene in the late 90's, the best music is NOT in the gay bars anymore gurls, sorry

Marvin TechNolasco
Marvin TechNolasco

Bwahahahaha! everything that I manage to get away from yet sometimes find myself in! ;-P

Kittiemow
Kittiemow

I squealed with laughter at "That crystal was actually PCP, or vice versa!". This is excellent.

Ms. Pregnostyca Del Ray
Ms. Pregnostyca Del Ray

It's as it has been said! The world is a vampire. What is a 60 year old queen to do in a world full of parasitic jesters. It's for sure that we are not in Kansas any more. And we are all up a shit-creek without a paddle or a pair of ruby red slippers to make a much needed getaway from it all. God knows I've had more than my fair share of dealings with uncivil shady bartenders. What's a well read, well traveled queen to do in such sleeping taker society. It isn't going to get any better girlfriends. Arrivederci! Well said MUSTO.

Dall
Dall

That's a reporter! Try Gitmo next? I'm so glad you can stand to suffer it and be there for the rest of us!

Daffyd
Daffyd

I'd be mad about this column except you always tell us all the good things about clubs too, so to be honest: This column was a riot.

TheBrutalKremlin
TheBrutalKremlin

Nightclubs have become cheesey networking guilds with drugs. You could get more play at a Promise Keepers rally.

Diesel
Diesel

Hilarious!! It's so true about the dumb doormen, shady bartenders, and all the other horrors that make "fun" such a depressing spectacle.

Teatro
Teatro

You nailed every reason why I don't go out anymore.

Lnoft97
Lnoft97

Hilarious! I especially loved the part about running up and down stairs all night looking for something better! I picture you in a year or two, in a man-corset, arthritic toes screaming in agony, hair dye running down your sweaty head, still looking, looking, looking for something better! Good luck!

Just Jim
Just Jim

Ms Pregnostyca Del Ray , what do you think Mr. Quentin Crisp would think of this 'Once upon a mindnight dreary.' serious-minded look at our life style in 2011 that you and Musto have pronounced upon us?

Lnoft97
Lnoft97

oops, not you, Walter Delmar - I meant MM.

 
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