Sorry, gotta say this...but where are these 'gays who are getting married'? I've been out since 1989 and the number of gay couples who have lasted through time, and also, made it to a point where both are ready for and want marriage, is extremely low. I know more gay men who've been out 5-20 years, have met 0-2 people, the relationship lasted 3 months, then after being lied to, cheated on or ripped off, it ends. I don't think the majority of the gay world needs 'this discussion' on gay marriage right now.
We have to start talking - HONESTLY - why the hell our relationships STILL aren't working despite all the new ways we have to meet each other, despite how much easier it is to come out, and how much more support we have from friends, family and allies than before. Gay men in general never had to develop social skills where they seem to care about other gay men - how are we supposed to believe we are going to be successful at marriage if so few of us even know where to meet someone, how to talk and interact while sober, and how to work past these things that end our relationships so quickly? I mean, what do we want? The ability to marry (of course, yes) or the ability to form relationships that are going to LAST so that more of us can actually enjoy marriage someday. Because I'm telling you from the front lines, there are way more gay people who don't even care about this issue because they don't even see this as a possibility someday. And as long as you have this many gay men who've given up because nothing ever happens, that's a lot of gay people whose potential support you're not going to get. The way things stand, the few who are passionate about gay marriage, their families/allies are not enough to win over voters in most states. If this is something we really are passionate about, we have to get to know other gay men who've basically shut down and isolated themselves and find out why things aren't working for them, and convince them that there is someone out there for them too. If we really care about each other in the gay community like we try to get society to believe, this should be a no-brainer.