Does Marriage Make The Gays Boring?

Sorry, gotta say this...but where are these 'gays who are getting married'? I've been out since 1989 and the number of gay couples who have lasted through time, and also, made it to a point where both are ready for and want marriage, is extremely low. I know more gay men who've been out 5-20 years, have met 0-2 people, the relationship lasted 3 months, then after being lied to, cheated on or ripped off, it ends. I don't think the majority of the gay world needs 'this discussion' on gay marriage right now.

We have to start talking - HONESTLY - why the hell our relationships STILL aren't working despite all the new ways we have to meet each other, despite how much easier it is to come out, and how much more support we have from friends, family and allies than before. Gay men in general never had to develop social skills where they seem to care about other gay men - how are we supposed to believe we are going to be successful at marriage if so few of us even know where to meet someone, how to talk and interact while sober, and how to work past these things that end our relationships so quickly? I mean, what do we want? The ability to marry (of course, yes) or the ability to form relationships that are going to LAST so that more of us can actually enjoy marriage someday. Because I'm telling you from the front lines, there are way more gay people who don't even care about this issue because they don't even see this as a possibility someday. And as long as you have this many gay men who've given up because nothing ever happens, that's a lot of gay people whose potential support you're not going to get. The way things stand, the few who are passionate about gay marriage, their families/allies are not enough to win over voters in most states. If this is something we really are passionate about, we have to get to know other gay men who've basically shut down and isolated themselves and find out why things aren't working for them, and convince them that there is someone out there for them too. If we really care about each other in the gay community like we try to get society to believe, this should be a no-brainer.

There is a very interesting idea here and it's not really about Being Boring. It's about whether you want to accept conventional society. Some gay people can support political and religious institutions that would oppose their existence, for whatever reason. It's easy to think it might be self-hatred but you can't make that generalization either. Joining the military to preserve a way of life in which you have to lie about your sexuality seems pragmatic at best. Inability to resist early religious indoctrination isn't a sin, but I'd say that consciously choosing to support an institution that threatens you with suffering in the afterlife because you loved someone is counterproductive to your health and well-being. My point is simply that some people may feel more a part of society for whatever reason while others have felt like outsiders their whole lives. Some of us like being outsiders and some of us just don't fit in with the normals no matter how hard we would try. That's okay. It think that's the point.

This is really nit-picky but I think the term "the gays' objectifies and distances from the reality and would suggest dropping the "the," so it would just be "will marriage make gays boring." The "the" is language of the oppressor.

This makes a lot of sense dude. Wow.Total-Privacy.us

Paul Rudnick makes me laugh out loud. I love his little New Yorker pieces. And the Mamushka!!

I will be marrying my partner of 14 years very soon. We are doing this to gain whatever legal benefits are available here in NY state, to eliminate any question of hospital access or decision-making if one of us is ill, etc. And one day, perhaps in our lifetime, if they recognize gay marriage on the Federal level, we will realize the same benefits as straight people on taxes, Social Security, health care, and other stuff.

I have absolutely no desire to mimic straights in any way, shape or form. Whether my partner and I are dull or not has nothing to do with our marital status nor do I need a piece of paper to legitimize the bond we share.

Am I still somewhat ambivalent? Yes. Guess I always will be.

If it prevents people from getting beaten up in the playground?

Bruce + John is NOT going to help this one bit.

Dare you?

Your fundamental thesis is wrong, because the vast majority of gay men have always been "boring." Yes, there are the fabulous few who work out, go to Circuit parties, live in urban gayborhoods and pay 3 figures for a bathing suit. But the "99%" are just as boring as their hetero counterparts and always have been.

HELL YA. All most every heterosexual can testify to that. I recall a conversation about marriage. And the topic of Adam and Eve came up and the rabbi said who the hell was in the garden that married them into so called wedlock. Marriage like religion is just down right antiquated for this time and place in human evolution. It's like the Feds. How the hell did the world do with out them. And look at the muddled, wretched misery that ideology has placed upon mankind! Marriage is just one of the many tools religions use to control our minds, for thier own avail! Any one want to buy a PURGATORY-PASS. Get my drift? Wake-up. People.

Rudnick's comment that acceptance of gays would not cause financial distress for Michele Bachmann is not true. It would take away her husband's income and cover. He could come out and she'd lose him too. It would be quite devastating to Ms. Bachmann. Where do we sign up?

there are no more frankenfurters. which is a pity

I don't think it makes gays boring, but in a few months it will begin to make gays broke. With marriage comes divorce and with divorce comes lawyers! Enough said

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fabulous piece, darling--but the illustration is the best! who is this Bruner guy?

We have been together 20 years, married for 3. I assure you we are boring! I love it.

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Don't worry folks, I'll have my "outlaw" moment when I sing,er, scream "It Should've Been Me" at Jake Gyllenhaal's wedding.

Honestly. This whole gay culture is dying meme is getting annoying, and this is me saying "Et tu, Michael"? Surely you could do better than that. Who do we blame? Marriage or Grindr?

It's obvious that this topic is close to your heart - which is why you opted for interviewees who shared (or didn't violently debunk) your position. But let's have the usual all-out Musto screed, subjective, unapologetic, take-no-prisoners uncompromising. You may be going a step ahead by inviting gay (and straight) men and women to check out non-conventional options, but by the time same-sex marriage becomes nationally sanctioned, it might be too late! Next stage of the struggle: the marrieds vs. the everything-else-buts.

Until they get rid of DOMA., gay marriage doesn't mean that much.

We are re-defining marriage for the better.Cheers, Joe Mustich, CT USAMarriage Officiant & Justice of the Peace

I really enjoyed the plays, though some are better than others. it's preaching to the converted, but still, it's worth a ticket.

Love this column. You interviewed three of the top playwrights.

Worry not, Musto.

You became utterly boring three decades ago. ; )