I judged the Mr. Gay NY pageant at Barracuda last night, where five fine-looking specimens paraded before the room in evening wear and swimsuits.
That was all just hunky-dory, thank you.
But then came the question-and-answer segment.
Uh-oh. Literacy trouble ahead.
When asked to pick three adjectives that describe themselves, two of the guys got stuck on the word “adjectives” and looked as lost as hookers in a confession booth.
“All right, one adverb,” I suggested to one of them. Silence.
“OK, what do you think of Obama?” I asked the other one.
“Suck! Sucks! Sucks!” he replied as if he were spouting Shakespeare.
“We have three potential winners,” said glamorous drag star Dallas DuBois (hosting with the irrepressible Frankie C of Odyssey magazine).
“And we have two from the Helen Keller Institute.”
Naturally, one of the three smarties won — his platform was “confidence,” and he believed in it so much he managed to make jeans look like evening wear — and the first runner-up wasn’t bad, either.
Asked “What two items would you take with you after death?” he replied, “My Britney Spears collection and my laptop to play it on.”
“You don’t have an iPad?” asked DuBois, incredulously.
“But I have porn in my laptop,” he unselfconsciously admitted.
I love the gays! And even the Helen Keller ones look great in Speedos!
Above: Last year’s slate of finalists.