i, sagitarius, predicts: the IDIOT that designed the new village voice online will have to re-design it....cause it's almost impossible to find horoscopes now.
By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
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By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21–April 19] "True life is lived when tiny changes occur," said Leo Tolstoy. I agree. It's rare for us to undergo rapid, dramatic transformations in short periods of time. That's why it's delusional to be forever pining for some big magic intervention that will fix everything. The best way to alter our course is slowly and gradually, by conscientiously revamping our responses to the small daily details. Keep these thoughts close at hand in the coming weeks, Aries. Be a devotee of the incremental approach. Step by step. Hour by hour.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] "What people really need and demand from life is not wealth, comfort, or esteem, but games worth playing," said psychiatrist Thomas Szasz. I love that thought and am excited to offer it up to you right now. You have been invited or will soon be invited to participate in some of the best games ever. These are not grueling games foisted on you by people hoping to manipulate you, nor pointless games that exhaust your energy for naught. Rather, they are fun challenges that promise to stretch your intelligence, deepen your perspective, and enhance your emotional riches.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] Is it conceivable that you've gotten a bit off track? As I close my eyes and ask my higher powers for a psychic vision, I get an impression of you staring at a blurry image of a symbol that is no longer an accurate representation of your life goal. Now, of course, there's a chance that my vision is completely unfounded. But if it does ring at least somewhat true to you—if it suggests a question worth asking yourself—I invite you to meditate on the possibility that you need to update your understanding of what your ultimate target looks like.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] From an astrological point of view, it's prime time for you to attend a networking extravaganza or collaboration spree. Likewise, this is an excellent phase in your long-term cycle to organize a gathering for the close allies who will be most important in helping you carry out your master plan during the next 12 months. Have you ever heard of the term "Temporary Autonomous Zone"? It's a time and place where people with shared interests and common values can explore the frontiers of productive conviviality. It might be a dinner party in an inspirational setting, a boisterous ritual in a rowdy sanctuary, or a private festival for fellow seekers. I hope you make sure something like that materializes.
LEO [July 23–August 22] To begin one of his performances, comedian and musician Steve Martin ambled on stage and told his audience what to expect. "Before every show," he said, "I like to do one thing that is impossible. So now I'm going to suck this piano into my lungs." That's the kind of brag I hope to hear coming from you sometime soon, Leo—the more outrageous the better. Why? Because I'd love to see you cultivate a looser, breezier relationship with your actual ambitions. To make boastful jokes about wacky or farfetched goals might inspire you to be jauntier and friskier about those real ones. And that would rouse a burst of fresh motivational energy.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] The text for this week's oracle comes from Frederick Douglass (1818–1895), a great American statesman who, after escaping slavery, became a leader of the abolitionist movement. "Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation," he said, "are people who want crops without plowing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning. . . . The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand." Please apply these thoughts to your own situation, Virgo. You have entered the liberation phase of your cycle.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] I'm about to list some declarations that I hope will come out of your mouth at least once in the next three weeks. If for any reason you're not finding yourself in situations where these words would make sense for you to utter, please rearrange your life accordingly. 1. "There's nothing else I'd rather be doing right now." 2. "Is it OK with you if we take this really slow?" 3. "No one has ever done that before." 4. "Squeeze my hand when it feels really amazing." 5. "It's like we know what each other is thinking." 6. "Can I have some more, please?"
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] A political strategist told me one of her most important rules: To win an election, you have to help your candidate choose the right fights. I think that would be an excellent guiding principle for you in the coming weeks, Scorpio. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will be getting invitations to spar, joust, and wrangle. Although it might be exciting to leap into each and every fray with your eyes blazing, I suggest you show careful discernment. Try to confine your participation to those tangles that will downplay your weaknesses and highlight your strengths.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] In the famous children's book The Little Prince, the hero lives on an asteroid with three volcanoes, two active and one dormant. One day, he decides to leave home and travel to other realms. Before departing, he meticulously scours all three volcanoes. "If they are well cleaned out," the narrator reports, "volcanoes burn slowly and steadily, without any eruptions." I recommend that you take after the Little Prince, Sagittarius. It's high time to attend to the upkeep of your volcanoes. Make sure they will burn slow and steady in the coming months, even when you're not at home.
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] One of the classics of ancient Sanskrit literature is the Kama Sutra, which gives practical advice about erotic love. The most popular edition of the book offers instructions on eight kinds of kisses and 64 sexual positions, with additional tips on styles of embracing and caressing. This would be an excellent time for you to get inspired by information like that, Capricorn. Your relationship with the amorous arts is due for expansion and refinement. You don't necessarily need to rely on book learning, of course. You could accomplish a lot of empirical exploration simply by getting naked and firing up your imagination.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] Singer-songwriter Tom Waits was strongly influenced by Bob Dylan's down-to-earth album The Basement Tapes. "I like my music with the rinds and the seeds and pulp left in," Waits testifies. "The noise and grit" of Dylan's rootsy, intimate songs, he says, creates a mood of "joy and abandon." That's the spirit I wish for you in the coming weeks, Aquarius. Wherever you are and whatever you're doing, get down to the gritty, organic core of things. Hunker down in the funky fundamentals. Hang out where the levels of pretension are low and the stories are fresh and raw.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] You're not really breaking the rules, right, Pisces? It's more like you're just testing their elasticity; you're helping them become more supple and flexible. I'm sure that sooner or later, people will thank you for how you're expanding the way the game is played. It might take a while, but they will eventually appreciate and capitalize on the liberties you are now introducing into the system. In the short run, though, you might have to take some heat for your tinkering and experiments. Try not to let that inhibit your eagerness to try creative risks.