By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES [March 21–April 19] On io9.com, Charlie Jane Anders provides "10 Signs You Could Be the Chosen Savior." Among the clues are the following: 1. "How often does someone comes up to you on the street, point at you, gibber something inarticulate, and run away?" Now would be a good time for you to take this test, Aries. You're in a phase of your astrological cycle when your dormant superpowers might finally be awakening—a time when you might need to finally claim a role you've previously been unready for.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] "Dear Rob the Astrologer: If I could get access to a time machine, where would you suggest I should go? Is there a way to calculate the time and place where I could enjoy favorable astrological connections that would bring out the best in me? — Curious Taurus." Dear Curious: Here are some locations that might be a good fit for you Tauruses right now: Athens, Greece, in 459 B.C.; Constantinople in 1179; Florence, Italy, in 1489; New York in 2037. In general, you would thrive wherever there are lots of bright people co-creating a lively culture that offers maximum stimulation.
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] Will archaeologists find definitive evidence of the magical lost continent of Atlantis in 2013? Probably not. How about Shambhala, the mythical kingdom in Central Asia where the planet's greatest spiritual masters are said to live? Not likely. But I do think there's a decent chance that sometime in the next seven months, many of you Geminis will discover places, situations, and circumstances that will be magical and mythical.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] There's a spot in the country of Panama where you can watch the sun rise in the east over the Pacific Ocean. In another Panamanian location, you can see the sun set in the west over the Atlantic Ocean. Nothing weird is involved. Nothing twisted or unearthly. It's simply a quirk of geography. I suspect that a similar situation will be at work in your life sometime soon. Things might seem out of place. Your sense of direction might be off-kilter. But don't worry. Life is simply asking you to expand your understanding of what "natural" and "normal" are.
LEO [July 23–August 22] Metaphorically speaking, a pebble was in your shoe the whole past week. You kept thinking, "Pretty soon I've got to take a minute to get rid of that thing," and yet you never did. Why? While it wasn't enormously painful, it kept you from giving your undivided attention to the important tasks at hand. Now here's a news flash: The damn pebble is still in your shoe. Can I persuade you to remove it?
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] Even when you know exactly what you want, it's sometimes crucial for you not to accomplish it too fast. It might be that you need to mature more before you're ready to handle your success. It could be that if you got all of your heart's desire too quickly and easily, you wouldn't develop the vigorous willpower that the quest was meant to help you forge. The importance of good timing can't be underestimated, either: In order for you to take full advantage of your dream come true, many other factors in your life have to be in place and arranged just so. With those thoughts in mind, Virgo, I offer you this prediction for 2013: A benevolent version of a perfect storm is headed your way.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] Artists who painted images in caves 30,000 years ago did a pretty good job of depicting the movements of four-legged animals, like horses. In fact, they were more skilled than today's artists. Even the modern experts who illustrate animal anatomy textbooks don't match the accuracy of the people who decorated cave walls millennia ago. So says a study reported in livescience.com. I'd like to suggest this is a useful metaphor for you to consider, Libra. There's some important task that the old you did better than the new you does.
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] After evaluating your astrological omens for the coming months, I've decided to name you Scorpios the "Top Sinners of the Year" for 2013. What that means is that I suspect your vices will be more inventive and more charming than those of all the other signs. In fact, your "sins" may not be immoral or wicked at all. They might actually be beautiful transgressions that creatively transcend the status quo. Be committed to serving the greater good at least as much as your own selfish interests.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] Here's the horoscope I hope to be able to write for you a year from now: "Your mind just kept opening further and further during these past 12 months, Sagittarius. Congrats! Even as you made yourself more innocent and receptive than you've been in a long time, you were constantly getting smarter. Illusions did not appeal to you. Again, kudos!"
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] What does it mean when the dwarf planet Pluto impacts a key point in your horoscope? For Capricorn gymnast Gabby Douglas, it seemed to be profoundly empowering. During the time Pluto was close to her natal sun during last year's Summer Olympics, she won two gold medals. Luck had little to do with her triumph. Hard work, self-discipline, and persistence were key factors. I'm predicting that Pluto's long cruise through the sign of Capricorn will give you an opportunity to earn a Gabby Douglas–like achievement in your own sphere—if, that is, you can summon the same level of willpower.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock," said humorist Will Rogers. I hope you've been taking care of the "nice doggie" part, Aquarius—holding the adversarial forces and questionable influences at bay. As for the rock: I predict you will find it any minute now, perhaps even within an hour of reading this horoscope. Please keep in mind that you won't necessarily have to throw the rock for it to serve its purpose.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] Do you know the word "cahoots"? Strictly speaking, it means to be in league with allies who have the same intentions as you do; to scheme and dream with confederates whose interests overlap with yours. Let's expand that definition a little further. For your purposes, "cahoots" will signify the following: to conspire with like-minded companions as you cook up some healthy mischief or whip up an interesting commotion or instigate a benevolent ruckus.