Drake is perhaps the first person in human history to enjoy the benefits of being both a successful, critically acclaimed popstar, and a
bona fide human meme. He’s a performer who shifts from angry, over-the-top
braggadocio to desperate, doubting, melancholy croons. He’s either coolly
assured in his sexuality or skeptical if he’ll ever find someone who loves him back.
Drake’s a contemplative guy, and despite his ridiculously privileged life, he’s
always eager to talk about his feelings with a rare, inscrutable sincerity. It’s
a quirk that’s given us a lot of great songs, and a lot of befuddling lyrics.
There may never be a popstar as gleefully un-self-aware, than Aubrey Drake
With that in mind, and “All Me” in the background, we
decided to pay tribute to his growing legacy, by ranking what we feel are the
10 least self-aware lines in the history of Drake.
10. “I never cheated for the record back when I was with you, but you
believed in everything but me girl I don’t get you” – “Shot For Me”
For a guy whose entire career has been partly defined by
grimy tales of exploitive women, strippers, groupies, and pretty much anything
else he’s put his penis in, Drake seems strangely mystified that his
ex-girlfriend is a little suspicious of his fidelity. I mean you say that she “believed
in everything but me,” but if she believed you, she’d believe that you had sex with your babysitter.
9. “Just as a reminder to myself, I wear every single chain even when I’m
in the house” – “Started From the Bottom”
This is secretly one of the most depressing lines in the
entire Drake catalog, because it implies that–despite the mansions, the money,
the cars, the women, the friends, the business ventures, and the fact that he
essentially dedicates his art to evaluating his fame–Drake still has to wear
all of his chains to make sure he remembers his success. This is apparently
something he still needs to be reminded of after writing Take Care.
8. “Don’t be fooled by all the money, I’m still young and unlucky.”
7. “We go to dinner you don’t look to me to pay” – “Fancy”
This is meant to be endearing, how the lady Drake is
taking out to dinner is apparently “realer” because she doesn’t expect him to
pick up the tab. While there is some faint sense of progressivism to that, we
are talking about a guy who once spent
$50,000 at a strip club, and–according to “Started From the Bottom–won’t play a live show for less than $500,000. But no, when it comes to food, girl better be
splitting the bill.
6. “Came up, that’s all me, stayed true, that’s all me, no help, that’s
all me, all me, for real” – “All Me”
Drake is so concerned about the world knowing about his
independent solvency, that he literally claims he had “no help.” Sorry Birdman,
Lil Wayne, Degrassi, and general
socio-economic privilege! Drake never needed you!
5. “I just been playing, I ain’t even notice I was winning” – “Over My
Yes you have. Yes you fucking have. I don’t even have a joke
to make here. Drake is standing up and telling the world that he hasn’t really
been paying attention to his successes, in a song that came out in 2011.
4. “It just what comes with the fame, and I’m ready for that, I’m just
saying” – “Over”
I mean, if that’s true then I guess we should never hear
about Drake talk about how hard it is to be famous ever again, right?
3. “Yeah baby, you finer than your fine cousin, and your cousin is fine,
but she don’t have my heart beating in double time” – “Shut it Down”
It’s so wonderful to know that Drake wrote this line, and
probably thought it was the sweetest thing he could possibly say. “Hey baby,
you’re really hot, so let me briefly invoke the image of a family member that I
also want to fuck, but not as badly as I want to fuck you.”
2. “Even a couple pornstars that I’m ashamed to mention” – “Lord Knows”
Drake, there is no way you are dumb enough to think this line
1. “I’ve had sex four times this week I’ll explain, having a hard time
adjusting to fame” – “Marvins Room”
This is it, this is the most perfectly un-self-aware lyric
in Drake history. Not only is it a humblebrag, it’s a humblebrag masquerading
as a deep, pining, existential pang. It comes in the middle of “Marvins Room,”
a song essentially about drunk-dialing an ex, and is sung with such serene
impartiality that it leaves no question that in this moment, Drake
wholeheartedly believes his own bullshit–a quality we can’t help but adore.
It’s hard to see Nothing Was The Same topping
such heights, but Drake has done the impossible before.