Jeff Stryker Does Hard Time

Created by Jeff Stryker, porn impresario John Travis, and someone identified in the program as "a writer," the horrifying Jeff Stryker Does Hard Time showcases the many talents of Stryker, the hottest gay porn star of the '80s. These talents include: showing off his big dick, flagrantly displaying his tremendous schlong, exhibiting his colossal weiner, and brandishing his massive manpork. An extended sketch— so labored it seems like an effort to avoid a police raid— occurs before the appearance of the meaty character for which the primarily geriatric audience has been waiting. Plot synopsis seems unnecessary, but here goes: Stryker is sent up the river to a surprisingly gay-friendly prison. In the pen there's a queeny guy, creatively named "Queenie," who constantly fights with the one homophobic inmate, identified in the typo-laden program as "The Pretty Boy." Everyone knows he's a closet case. Queenie goes to the Pretty Boy's cell to coax him out of denial and the confused prisoner bashes him. Stryker, playing himself as Jack Nicholson, all deep-voiced and inappropriately laconic, avenges Queenie and garners a cheap thrill for himself by raping the Pretty Boy in retaliation. Turns out a little rough anal sex against his will was all the Pretty Boy needs to come out. Excuse me, but didn't that particular etiology of homosexuality go out with Fred Phelps? Never mind, it's just a fantasy. Then, after a romantic scene that inspires open laughter, Stryker oils himself down and descends into the audience for an extended romp, leaping over the chairs and shoving his chubbed-up member into many an eager (and not so eager) face. Finally, as the crowd exits, Stryker stands in the aisle and offers everyone a greasy, penis-tinged handshake.

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