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2008 Stories by Gustavo Arellano

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  • Why You Can't Be a Land Baron Down South

    published June 24, 2008

    Dear Mexican: What do you think would happen if U.S. citizens could as easily buy land and set up businesses in Mexico as Mexicans can do in... More >>

  • Philadelphia Edición

    published June 17, 2008

    Dear Mexican: I recently went to a game at Dodgers Stadium. The white people cheering for the St. Louis Cardinals would clap and cheer when... More >>

  • Why Do Mexicans Swim in Their Clothes?

    published June 10, 2008

    Dear Readers: The Mexican has previously published only one "best of" column in his nearly four years of living under his cousin's... More >>

  • Brown Doomsday?

    published June 3, 2008

    Dear Mexican: First it was the Native-Americans, then it was the blacks, then the Japanese. Now I fear that American prejudice will soon... More >>

  • Gustavo Gets the Dumbest Question Ever

    published May 27, 2008

    Dear Mexican: I'm a Mexican-American, but I always lie and tell people that my ancestors were from Spain and immigrated to the United States... More >>

  • Salma Hayek Sells Out

    published May 20, 2008

    Dear Mexican: Why did the Mexican comedian Cantinflas never catch on in Hollywood? I thought he was supposed to usher in the Mexican wave of... More >>

  • Do Other Immigrant Populations Mix Languages the Way Mexicans Do?

    published May 13, 2008

    Dear Readers: My recent column regarding the dissimilarities between Scots and Mexicans provoked a surprising amount of angry responses.... More >>

  • Why Do Mexicans Hit the Gas?

    published May 6, 2008

    Dear Readers: The paperback version of my book is out in stores now. Buy, por favor! Now, on to the... More >>

  • Are Mexicans Like Scots?

    published April 29, 2008

    Dear Mexican: Consider the similarities between my people, the Celtic Scots, and yours, the Hispanic Mexicans. Both of our people trace their... More >>

  • What's With the Emo Riots South of the Border?

    published April 22, 2008

    Dear Readers: The paperback version of my book is out in stores now, cheap enough so that even a Guatemalan can afford it. Buy it,... More >>

  • Press 1 for English, Pendejo

    published April 15, 2008

    Q. Being in law enforcement, I've had to handle many radio runs. I think Mexicans are some of the hardest-working people in Mexi-America, but... More >>

  • Death, Taxes, and Mexicans

    published April 8, 2008

    Dear Mexican: Sitting on my desk is a levy from the Internal Revenue Service for over $12,000 in unpaid taxes. Turns out some dude used my... More >>

  • How the Mexican People Got their Color

    published April 1, 2008

    Dear Mexican: Why are indigenous peoples from north of the Rio Grande called "redskins" and those south of it called "brown-skinned"? —El... More >>

  • Two Heroic Mexicans: Salma Hayek's Breasts

    published March 25, 2008

    Q. Dear Mexican: I'm a gay man in his mid-thirties who has always loved Mexican men. And this question is not only from my experience, but... More >>

  • Gustavo Goes Mano a Mano

    published March 18, 2008

    Dear Mexican: Since moving to Aztlán from Boston, I've spent so much time with my next-door neighbor from Mexico City that I've taken to... More >>

  • Who Asked You to Make the Bed?

    published March 11, 2008

    Q. Dear Mexican: Mexicans are angry that the United States might protect its own borders and make it harder for someone to sneak into this... More >>

  • Why Is It That Mexicans Work for Cheap?

    published March 4, 2008

    Why is it that Mexicans accept lower salaries than their legal or American counterparts? Example: One contractor in Columbus, Georgia, told... More >>

  • Where’s the Mexican Love for Obama?

    published February 26, 2008

    Why won't Mexicans vote for a black man? —Hillary Hater Dear Readers: Dozens of ustedes have sent the above... More >>

  • Mexicans Have It Better Than You Think

    published February 19, 2008

    Dear Mexican: Why do you suppose Mexico has such a hard time getting its act together? It has vast natural resources, good climate, natural... More >>

  • Why Do Mexicans Always Rent Blood In Blood Out?

    published February 5, 2008

    Q. Dear Mexican: My parents were Greeks who legally immigrated to the United States in 1920. When it became harder for Greeks to immigrate,... More >>

  • Going South

    published January 29, 2008

    Q. Why do people think Mexicans have small dicks? My novio sure doesn't! —Bobbi Bobblehead A. Dear Gabacha: And... More >>

  • Puppy Love

    published January 22, 2008

    Dear Readers: Mucho feedback from ustedes regarding recent questions about archetypical Mexican dogs and the propensity of... More >>

  • Morrison Rules, Romo Drools

    published January 15, 2008

    Dear Mexican: At a weekly Doors tribute-band gig, I noticed that the majority of the crowd was Mexican. I swear, sometimes it seems as if the... More >>

  • Mexicans and their DUI's: One More Corona for the Road!

    published January 8, 2008

    Q. Dear Mexican: The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that Mexican-Americans have the highest proportion of DUIs and... More >>

  • Golden Tablets and the American Dream

    published January 1, 2008

    Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter... More >>

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