Email Author Michael Musto

Awards

• 2012 - AAN AltWeekly Awards

  "Why I Hate Being Gay! 62 Reasons!"

• 2012 - AAN AltWeekly Awards

  "Help! Blandness Has Taken Over Our Culture!"

• 2012 - AAN AltWeekly Awards, published August 31, 2011

  "Fame Is Better Than Drugs And I Want To Mainline That Shit"

• 2011 - AAN AltWeekly Awards, published June 22, 2010

  "Kicked in the Groin at Every Glittery Turn"

• 2011 - AAN AltWeekly Awards, published August 18, 2010

  "Where's My Book?"

• 2011 - AAN AltWeekly Awards, published December 29, 2010

  "Year in Review"

More

2008 Stories by Michael Musto

• Ever Have a Crush on a Cartoon Characterr

  published Dec 18, 2008

  I'm stealing this one from datalounge.com and they'll just have to sue about it, but anyway: Have you ever fallen in love with a cartoon figurer Ever want to fondle Wilma Flintstone, fist Casper th... More >>

• Why Hotties Aren't Necessarily Good People

  published Dec 18, 2008

  We have a very damaging cliche in this culture, which is that whenever someone is pretty to look at, we say they have the face of an angel. In other words, good looks equals glorious behavior. And n... More >>

• Disco Stud Takes It Off For Playgirl (NSFW)

  published Dec 18, 2008

  Original Village People cowboy Randy Jones is more like a cowpoke in this outtake he sent me from the current Playgirl magazine 35th anniversary issue, which features him looking every bit the macho... More >>

• Piano Bar Star!

  published Dec 17, 2008

  Marie's Crisis is the atmospheric basement piano bar over at 59-Grove Street where performers, wannabes, and drunks all get together to belt showtunes en masse as if theres no "Tomorrow." The man wh... More >>

• Stop Searching For Meaning in Your Life

  published Dec 17, 2008

  I've long known something most people will never realize: Life on earth is completely meaningless. We are basically just glorified cockroaches, scampering about with an inane self of self-importance, ... More >>

• Thumbs Up For Hugh Jackman as Oscar Host

  published Dec 17, 2008

  Hunky Hugh Jackman won an Emmy for hosting the Tonys, so maybe now he can get a Grammy for hosting the Oscars. The Aussie costar of Australia and X-Men was recently selected to M.C. the Academy Awar... More >>

• "Shitty Faggot"-A-Go-Go

  published Dec 16, 2008

  Who needs homophobes when you've got Sophia Lamar screeching from within about what's wrong with the gay communityr Sophia, a transsexual goddess and scene queen, has made it her shtick to scowl, di... More >>

• The Worst Breakup Lines Ever

  published Dec 16, 2008

  "It's not you, it's me. I can't be with ANYONE!" "Let's try being just friends for a few years and see how that goes." "No, I haven't fallen in love with someone else--though there IS someone I li... More >>

• Oscar Predictions Made Easy

  published Dec 16, 2008

  All year long, I draw up crazy, neurotic lists for myself of who will surely get Oscar nominations, sometimes before the films have even been made. So it makes perfect golden sense that I've been ch... More >>

• Fun Drag Show, Folks!

  published Dec 15, 2008

  One of the zaniest drag shows in town happens on the third Monday of every month at my home away from home, Pieces, over at 10-Christopher Street. It's called "Too Ugly For TV" and it stars bejewele... More >>

• Inside The Men's Vogue Folding

  published Dec 15, 2008

  As you know, Conde Nast responded to the economic crackdown on luxury by reducing Men's Vogue to two issues a year, and for the first time in my adult life, I actually felt sorry for the menfolk. Wh... More >>

• Should Milk Have Starred a Gayr

  published Dec 15, 2008

  A lot of people have been running around buzzing, "It's a crime Milk didn't star any gays!" Well, as I mentioned in my column last week, this is a complete fallacy since Denis O'Hare and Victor Garb... More >>

• The Truth About Van Johnson

  published Dec 15, 2008

  He was gay! He would have even told you that! His daughter, in her scathing memoir about him, certainly would have brought it up! But all the mainstream-press obits carefully omit that fact, only de... More >>

• What's With Those Golden Globe Nominationsr

  published Dec 12, 2008

  As per usual, the Globes went for any movie personality who's famous (Brangelina, Tom Cruise, etc.) and with only a few exceptions dissed actual actors who aren't enormous stars. Uninvited from the ... More >>

• Come Get Your Jesus Juice, People!

  published Dec 12, 2008

  Or as a friend of mine more eloquently put it, "Girl, Miss Jackson is broke!"... More >>

• Read About The Divas!

  published Dec 10, 2008

  Click right here and you get the column, kids. It's totally free (if emotionally taxing)! Do so and you'll get to read about all kinds of one-named-divas like Chita, Liza, and even Vanessa (Williams... More >>

• Why Milk Stars a Hetero!

  published December 10, 2008

  I'm mad for Milk, and not just because I've already gotten three free meals off it. The last one was a low-key lunch at the Oak... More >>

• Vacation Alert! Not That I'm Going Anywhere!

  published Dec 08, 2008

  I hate to do this to you kids again--in fact, I feel like a parent pulling a teen's favorite drug out of his mouth with bare hands--but I'm taking another week off the blog. See, I've accumulated vaca... More >>

• Christine Pedi Channels Your Favorite Stars

  published Dec 05, 2008

  One of the most talented celebrity impersonators around, Christine Pedi has become a star in her own right by lighting up many a Forbidden Broadway production as well as doing her own one-woman (but... More >>

• Dusty Springfield Lives!

  published Dec 05, 2008

  I usually detest diva impersonation shows and in fact I almost threw things at the stage a few years ago when I saw a woman do Patsy Cline who wasn't even fit to iron her crinolines. But Kirsten Holly... More >>

• How To Drown Out New York Noise

  published Dec 05, 2008

  I always thought a white noise machine was a silly idea--it basically drowns out noise with other noise, which is kind of like killing a murderer. But in a fit of desperation, I got one and found th... More >>

• All Traces of 'Rosie Live!' Vanish

  published Dec 04, 2008

  By all accounts, 'Rosie Live! was a misbegotten atttempt to revive the variety format which critics said looked underrehearsed, felt too limited in its palette of older-skewing talent, and ignored t... More >>

• Casting Alert: Hartnett and Culkin Broadway Boundr

  published Dec 04, 2008

  Last year it was announced that an unfinished Tennessee Williams play called In Masks Outrageous and Austere would be completed and would eventually head to Broadway in a version directed by Oscar n... More >>

• Why Twilight is a Smash and Australia Isn't

  published Dec 04, 2008

  Twilight has emerged as a cinema phenomenon--Harry Potter with fangs--and it's clearly because it knows its target audience (moist teen girls), it delivers dreamy, hypnotic goods based on a popular ... More >>

• Me Alert! I'm Shmoozing With Lizz Winstead!

  published Dec 03, 2008

  Lizz Winstead is the incisive lady who co-created The Daily Show and cohosted an Air America program with Rachel Maddow. Pretty strong credits, huhr Well, now Lizz has been enlarging her palette even ... More >>