rss Email Author Michael Musto


2008 Stories by Michael Musto

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  • Bombs Away: What Were The Biggest Entertainment Disasters of '08?

    published Dec 03, 2008

    The biggest turkey of the year was the one I bought at Whole Foods and filled with M&M's for a very sweet Thanksgiving Day spent blissfully solo. (Kidding. I indulged in that great American tradition-... More >>

  • Can Cheating Be a Good Thing?

    published Dec 03, 2008

    A lot of couples of all sexualities seem to know the secret to marital longevity: Allow cheating! Many duos keep on trucking largely because it's OK if either party finds sex on the side, as long as i... More >>

  • Hot Designer Wears Nada! (NSFW--Unless You Work in a Bordello)

    published Dec 02, 2008

    Up-and-coming designers Nico and Adrian are known for bringing a party spirit to fashion, applying lots of colorful fabrics and headdresses to sexy male and female forms. But it turns out that Nico ... More >>

  • Are Some Friends Better Off Drunk?

    published Dec 02, 2008

    What do you do when a friend is way more fun to be with when smashed to the titties? Do you slip some rum in their soda, pop some pills in their stew, and secretly inject their butts with a bevy of ... More >>

  • Armisen Not Dark Enough To Play Obama?

    published Dec 02, 2008

    A recent web report claimed that Fred Armisen's Obama impersonation on Saturday Night Live might be sent to the benches because he doesn't really look or sound like the Prez elect. Those are pretty ... More >>

  • Too Many Papis Onscreen

    published Dec 01, 2008

    In the comedy Yes Man, Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel fall madly in love, and no one around them ever mentions the fact that he's clearly 46 and she's a young wisp of a 28-year-old. Of course there'... More >>

  • Listen Up, Suri! Here Are The Worst Celebrity Kid Names of All Time

    published Dec 01, 2008

    So just the other week, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson named their kid after a borough! The boy is named Bronx Wentz! Yes, the name has all the originality you'd expect from two quirky celebrities, b... More >>

  • Paris Hilton Lied To Me!

    published Dec 01, 2008

    Just a few weeks ago, my BFF Paris Hilton went on and on to me about how happy she was to have such a solid relationship with Benji Madden, her boyfriend of nine whole months, sounding as gushy as a... More >>

  • Got Milk?

    published Nov 26, 2008

    Well, I certainly did. I saw the movie about murdered politico Harvey Milk, and have all the dish on it for you in my new column, including which player in that scenario might have been gayer than y... More >>

  • Jon Voight Confronted About McCain!

    published November 26, 2008

    'I'm lactose-intolerant, but I loved Milk," crowed Carson Kressley at the film's premiere party at the Bowery Hotel, where celebs... More >>

  • Happy Turkey Week, Chickens!

    published Nov 24, 2008

    I wish you all gobs of giblet gravy, mountains of cranberry sauce, and swarms of hot sailors to wipe off your face afterwards. I'm taking this week off--I need the time to prepare my Swanson's TV dinn... More >>

  • Why Have Movies Lost Touch With Technology?

    published Nov 21, 2008

    I want an answer, people! Why is there such a huge disconnect between the way people really exchange information and the manner in which Hollywood portrays that? In reality, everyone's texting their a... More >>

  • Heartbreaking Shopping Story: The Art That Got Away!

    published Nov 21, 2008

    A horrifying thing happened to me the other week. I went into a thrift store and saw a fabulous piece of yarn art for sale--you know, brightly colored flowers made out of yarn, on a lovely canvas, pro... More >>

  • You Tube Listening Treasure: Liza Gives Doris Day A Ring-A-Ding

    published Nov 20, 2008

    Last year, the ever game Liza Minnelli gave Hollywood legend and perpetual virgin Doris Day a call--and fortunately, it happened to be on a radio show so we could all hear it without tapping their p... More >>

  • Putting The New Back In New Haven

    published Nov 20, 2008

    NYC might be going down the toilet, but it doesn't take a Yale scholar to realize that nearby New Haven, Connecticut has been sprucing itself up and actually going a bit more upscale. To show off th... More >>

  • Prince Hates The Queens

    published Nov 20, 2008

    As you know, her purple majesty Prince was just interviewed by the New Yorker and blithely gave them allegorical comments like, "God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it wi... More >>

  • My Column, And All That Jizz

    published Nov 19, 2008

    Click here on the column, folks, and get my quality-time encounters with Danny Boyle, Ken Russell, Billy Elliot, and a prude from Gossip Girl. If that's not enough juice for you, you'll also get a h... More >>

  • Hints That Billy Elliot is a Poufter

    published Nov 19, 2008

    *He keeps saying "I'm not a poufter!" *Takes a pass on the offer to see a girl's "hoo-hoo" (Been there.) *Dances a romantic duet with a hot man (supposedly himself as an adult, but still, it reads a... More >>

  • What People's Sex-Ad Descriptions Really Mean

    published Nov 19, 2008

    By now, I can deftly translate what guys are actually saying when they describe themselves in certain ways on dirty websites. For example: "I have a six-pack" means "in the fridge." "I'm 25" means... More >>

  • I've Been Outed!

    published Nov 18, 2008

    Yes, folks, I've been totally found out! just uncovered the fact that I'm gay! They posted a sighting whereby I was spotted scouring the recesses of a porn store--the kind of place where th... More >>

  • Oscar Nominee Swallowed After BJ!

    published November 19, 2008

    I'll start with a hot serving of social consciousness, thanks to Pray the Devil Back to Hell, the riveting documentary about the... More >>

  • What To Expect In An Economically Depressed New York City

    published Nov 18, 2008

    *A sudden taste for one-dollar deli coffee *The Meat Packing District returning to its glory as a haven for rats, trannie prosties, and bagel joints *Lots more muggers and thieves, as all the rich... More >>

  • The Worst Pick-Up Lines on the Planet!

    published Nov 18, 2008

    SpinVox, the voice-to-text company, recently did some research revealing what the top five 'worst' pick-up lines in the US are, and they came up with these clinkers: 1. "If you were a new sandwich ... More >>

  • Obama Ain't Funny!

    published Nov 17, 2008

    "Obama's election is great for our country, but bad for comedy," I opine in this Reuters article about how a less buffoonish bunch of kooks in the White House makes for far fewer jokes. This is a humo... More >>

  • Guillaume Depardieu Took His Licks

    published Nov 17, 2008

    Actor Guillaume Depardieu died earlier this year at age 37 from complications due to pneumonia, and I've waited a tasteful amount of time before I dredged up the following column item I did on him i... More >>

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