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2008 Stories by Michael Musto

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  • In Praise of Cindy McCain

    published Oct 27, 2008

    I've spent so much time bashing Sarah Palin that I haven't even flipped the devalued coin and addressed my bizarre love for Cindy McCain. What do I find so compelling about the woman who's married ... More >>

  • I Faked An Orgasm And I Liked It!

    published Oct 27, 2008

    I swear to you, children, just the other night I did what millions of women have done since the beginning of time and fake-forwarded to the end of the sex act! I always thought it was reprehensible t... More >>

  • More Late-Breaking Mr. Black News!

    published Oct 26, 2008

    Mr. Black is the incredibly vivid club/den/cruise-joint that was shut down last year after a drug bust, reopened this year on W. 24th Street, had tax department posters sighted on its exterior, and ke... More >>

  • What Could Be Scarier Than Michael Jackson?

    published Oct 24, 2008

    Nothing! Well, maybe Sarah Palin. But admittedly, Jacko's pretty terrifying--particularly his Thriller album, complete with oozy, pustulent video and monster sales. And now that the record is 25 years... More >>

  • The Mccain Campaign is the Ugliest Ever

    published Oct 24, 2008

    If you don't have much to offer in the way of substantive ideas for change, then simply go on the offensive and try to beat down the competition. Use sliming, misrepresenting, and any other dirty tr... More >>

  • Let Sarah Palin Dress To The Nines!

    published Oct 23, 2008

    Look, I hate Sarah Palin more than soggy pretzels, but I'll be the first one to say she has a right to wear expensive clothes and accessories! First of all, if the Republicans want to funnel their mon... More >>

  • Mr. Blackwell's Partner Erased By AP

    published Oct 23, 2008

    The AP wire service was recently dropped by some papers because they can't afford it anymore, the stories are already posted on the AP site, and besides, they obviously leave shit out! As my friend,... More >>

  • Let's Play 'Make The Sitcom Dirty'!

    published Oct 23, 2008

    I recently did a post about an actual porn version of The Facts of Life and regular commenter The Late Tallulah Bankhead chimed in that Pornanza would be a healthy idea too. I agree--Hoss could probab... More >>

  • Performances That Should Have Been Nominated For an Oscar

    published Oct 23, 2008

    There are hundreds of great performances through the years that the Academy Awards have strangely neglected, but I like them, I really, really like them! They simply got shafted because they were in... More >>

  • Hot Throbbing Column Inches For You: Hustlers, Dubya, and More

    published Oct 22, 2008

    Step up and get your red-hot column here. Click here and learn about the premiere of W, which I liked better than W himself; the Broadway dreams of Jennifer Lopez, who wants to swing her culo in Tim... More >>

  • "Iconic" Is The New "Legendary"

    published Oct 22, 2008

    It used to be that anyone who'd lived a long time and was still breathing was instantly deemed "legendary." They may have done three flop records, been kicked out of a B movie, guested on a public a... More >>

  • Wicked Finds a Way To Make More Money

    published Oct 22, 2008

    What do you do when you have a smash show that's inspired thousands of 'tweens to argue stuff like, "Who was better, Kristin or Idina?" and you can't think of other ways to create merch for those frot... More >>

  • Will Smith Likes 'Mo 'Hos?

    published Oct 22, 2008

    Will Smith is married with kids, right? And he's a totally devout Scientologist, true? So there's no way in hell he could ever have been interested in male pleasure engineers. None whatsoever! Still... More >>

  • Andrea Peyser Rips a Page Out of My Book!

    published Oct 21, 2008

    Thief alert! Sound the alarms! Andrea Peyser has ripped off my word! See, the New York Post scribe, who, like me, enjoys stirring up piles of dislike for a living, is calling her upcoming book Celeb... More >>

  • The Facts of Life Is Now a Porno!

    published Oct 21, 2008

    The Facts of Life was a pretty safe, clean show about four boarding school gals and a housemother, but the title alone suggested there was something more brewing under the surface of the girls' outerw... More >>

  • The W Premiere and a Hustler Ball!

    published October 22, 2008

    My movie club—oh, hush, it fills those empty nights—compulsively watches a DVD of a 1964 Ed Sullivan Show featuring the... More >>

  • Just Say No To Sarah Palin

    published Oct 21, 2008

    This lovely montage of guns and glamour came from a reader in Colorado named Jan Stansen, who writes, "Think I had a little too much free time on my hands this afternoon?" No, Jan! In fact, I think... More >>

  • MSNBC Picks My Fertile Brain--Twice!

    published Oct 20, 2008

    Some of the unsung heroes behind MSNBC's ascension are the daytime anchors like Contessa Brewer and Alex Witt, who on a daily basis serve breaking news and interviews with unflappable aplomb. I got to... More >>

  • Beyonce's Sticky Fingers Steal From "Fosse Hands" Again

    published Oct 20, 2008

    Remember when Beyonce's video for "Get Me Bodied" seemed to include an exact replica of choreography from "Rich Man's Frug," the party sequence in Sweet Charity, directed and choreographed by Broadw... More >>

  • Do Politics Belong In a Madonna Concert?

    published Oct 20, 2008

    This very topic was addressed in yesterday's Page Six magazine, and just to shake things up, I argued that they don't (at least not the way Madonna does it) and Michelle Malkin zanily vouched for the ... More >>

  • Divorce Is The Navy Blue of Hollywood

    published Oct 20, 2008

    Marital mudflinging has become the new bloodsport in gossip, and I've booked myself a front row seat, kids. I've been loving the Madonna-Guy cross accusations, even though they tend to have a "duh" ... More >>

  • So How Did Sarah Palin Do On SNL, By Golly?

    published Oct 18, 2008

    She was great! Poised and hilarious and totally in control during the entire riotous sketch. No, wait, that was Tina Fey. Palin's brief appearance--spent commenting on Fey with Lorne Michael et al--wa... More >>

  • Here's Where I Want To Be Laid To Rest

    published Oct 17, 2008

    It's an elegantly named place in Richmond Hill, Queens that seems just right for me somehow. When I'm dead and on display there (not too soon, I hope), please come and visit me on your knees.... More >>

  • Fuck Joe the Plumber!

    published Oct 17, 2008

    I'm tired of hearing about Joe the Plumber and his supposedly desperate needs. (Not the actual Ohio man, mind you, but all the Joe the Plumbers he's come to represent.) Flush him down his own toilet... More >>

  • Gayest Movie Ever Made Finally Comes To DVD

    published Oct 16, 2008

    The Boys in the Band--the seminal (if not semen-al) gay movie from the early days of visibility---will finally be available to entertain and titillate the masses on DVD come November 11. The 1970 fi... More >>

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