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2009 Stories by Michael Musto

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  • Who's The Best Child Star of All Time?

    published Dec 30, 2009

    Abigail Breslin made a spectacular child star at age 10 in the Oscar winning Little Miss Sunshine, and she's now onto a full-fledged career as an adolescent, making even more movies than La Streep and... More >>

  • <em>Advocate</em> Writer Stabbed To Death
    FEATURED STORY

    Advocate Writer Stabbed To Death

    published Dec 30, 2009

    Charlie Sheen's household brawl wasn't the only horrifying occurrence crawling through the chimney on Christmas day this year. As gay watchdog Rex Wockner alerts me, a 25-year-old man named Michael J... More >>

  • At Last! My Essay on the End of the Decade!

    published Dec 30, 2009

    CLICK HERE to enjoy my stunning cover essay looking back on the aughts, which trenchantly details the economic downslides, rabid terrorism, gay marriage setbacks, and Britney Spears records that made ... More >>

  • Joan Crawford vs. Mercedes McCambridge!

    published Dec 30, 2009

    Want to hear about a really old bitch fight? Even older than Kanye and fill in the blank? I'm reading Ernest Borgnine's memoirs, in which the Oscar winner talks about having acted in the 1954 cult we... More >>

  • My Footwear Crisis Is Finally Resolved

    published Dec 30, 2009

    You know what they say about a guy with big feet: It's hard for him to find shoes that fit! And though I recently thought I'd solved my oversized feet crisis by nabbing a pair of size 17 bowling sho... More >>

  • Michael Musto
    COVER STORY

    Michael Musto's Year (and Decade) in Review!

    published December 29, 2009

    The Naughty Aughties are over, and I'm LMFAO. It will be remembered, if at all, as the decade of the TMI generation. The 15-second fame gang.... More >>

  • Michael Musto's Top Three Top Ten Lists, Because Why Not?

    published December 29, 2009

    THE DECADE'S 10 SHADIEST PEOPLE TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS 1—Karl Rove: The brains behind the... More >>

  •  A Musical About Holly Woodlawn
    FEATURED STORY

    A Musical About Holly Woodlawn

    published Dec 29, 2009

    It's coming to an off-Broadway theater near you, mamacita. I hear the show has been authorized by the campily funny Andy Warhol superstar herself, and it will be co-written by Penny Rockwell (Sam's m... More >>

  • A Parody of "Jersey Shore"!

    published Dec 29, 2009

    Yes, it was as inevitable as the fact that the pomade on my teenage hairdo would eventually grow into a separate person. So here comes Greg Scarnici's spoof of Jersey Shore, complete with wacky chara... More >>

  • What's Up With Airport Security?

    published Dec 29, 2009

    So you have to flush away half your toothpaste before boarding while also making sure to dramatically discard your highly dangerous bottle of water, but if you show up carrying a handful of "firecrack... More >>

  • Let's Create Some Perverse Candle Scents

    published Dec 29, 2009

    Glade puts out some lovely candles that fill the air of D'Agostino with scents named Clean Linen, Angel Whispers, and Moonlit Walk and Wandering Stream. (Yes, the last two go together into one big wal... More >>

  • Another Lady Gaga Parody--This Time With Flatulence!

    published Dec 28, 2009

    Drag star Sherry Vine doesn't need my help in hyping this outrageous little Lady Gaga parody of hers. It's already gotten way over a million hits and a kazillion trillion comments and it's assuredly o... More >>

  • My Review of Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

    published Dec 28, 2009

    It was good! Really cute and amusing and the voices didn't grate on my nerves and it moved quickly enough and it wasn't as bad as some snotty critics contended. That was the first 20 minutes. Then it... More >>

  • Was Charlie Sheen Really Just Trying To Defend Himself?
    FEATURED STORY

    Was Charlie Sheen Really Just Trying To Defend Himself?

    published Dec 28, 2009

    That's what the illustrious TV star reportedly told the authorities when they responded to the Christmas call from his wife, Brooke Mueller, saying he was being abusive. Brooke was the aggressor, swo... More >>

  • It's New Year's Resolution Time!

    published Dec 28, 2009

    And thanks to the fact that I'm so fucking neurotic, I've already drawn up my tidy list of them. In fact, I did it months ago!!! They are:*To not be so fucking neurotic *To drop all my old grudges a... More >>

  • Michael Lucas Is Looking For Someone To Write His Memoirs

    published Dec 28, 2009

    Yes, the gay porn star with the big lips is ready to open them and tell his story, and he's searching for just the right author to jot down every pearl. I personally rejected this plum assignment bec... More >>

  • Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins Have Split!
    FEATURED STORY

    Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins Have Split!

    published Dec 23, 2009

    I am heartbroken about this. I mean, we knew straight marriage doesn't work, but I thought living together did--especially for these two, who built what seemed to be a solid family for more than two ... More >>

  • David Barton Gym's Toy Drive a Big Hit

    published Dec 23, 2009

    Susanne Bartsch's annual Toy Drive at the Astor Place Barton gym on Monday night was a smash, people lining up to hand over toys quite different from the rather racy ones most of them generally use a... More >>

  • Shroud of Turin Debunker Writes Children's Books

    published Dec 23, 2009

    I'm a terrible Catholic and never believed much in the shroud of Turin, especially when I saw a really bad Broadway musical about it in the '80s. And sure enough, some years ago, N. D. Wilson did a st... More >>

  • Leave Michael Jackson Alone!
    FEATURED STORY

    Leave Michael Jackson Alone!

    published Dec 23, 2009

    All right, he diddled young boys. And now it turns out, thanks to the FBI dossier, that he made strange noises overnight with a PYT and he also created a fascinating video extravaganza called "All Boy... More >>

  • I Sang With Judy Garland

    published Dec 23, 2009

    Tommy Femia is the finest Judy Garland impersonator there is, so when he asked me to do a cameo in his show at Don't Tell Mama the other night, I DID tell mama. I was thrilled. The problem is, I have... More >>

  • A Movie About A Murdered "Gospel Sissy"

    published Dec 22, 2009

    Filmmaker Leo Sacks just emailed me to describe a documentary he's doing about a New Orleans gospel-world scandal that's escaped too many people's radars. As he explained it: "Raymond Myles was the ... More >>

  • Gay Clip of the week: Jonny McGovern's "Bossy Bottom"!

    published Dec 22, 2009

    Singing comic (or comic singer) Jonny McGovern just alerted me to his "sassy 'n trashy new music video/ode to bottoms, 'BOSSY BOTTOM,' featuring Team Pimp (Erickatoure, Adam Joseph, Linda James, & M... More >>

  • Get Yourself a Cumshot T Shirt!
    FEATURED STORY

    Get Yourself a Cumshot T Shirt!

    published Dec 22, 2009

    Not all of us are as crafty as President Clinton's orally proficient intern was. We don't always remember to save various jizz-drenched articles of clothing as keepsakes, not to mention as evidence. ... More >>

  • Performances Lost in the Awards Shuffle
    FEATURED STORY

    Performances Lost in the Awards Shuffle

    published Dec 22, 2009

    The Oscar nominations aren't out yet, but the Golden Globe ones were announced and all the critics' groups have declared their faves, so it's becoming clear who's being royally shafted this year. The... More >>

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