rss Email Author Michael Musto


2009 Stories by Michael Musto

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  • What Are The Loudest Arguments Against Gay Marriage?

    published Feb 04, 2009

    Let me detail the most often heard ones, along with the reasons they're as moronic as a hooker in a monastery.*Gay marriage is against the bible. It is? You mean there's really a passage in the holy... More >>

  • Porn Stars! Strippers! And More Jeremy Piven Dish!

    published February 4, 2009

    Montreal is one of the coldest cities in creation, but it also happens to paradoxically be the one where they take their clothes off the most,... More >>

  • Grey Gardens Blooms Again

    published Feb 03, 2009

    The squalid yet strangely uplifting story of the Beales--the mother/daughter duo who went from being Jackie Kennedy's fancy shmancy cousins to living in filth in a decayed Hamptons mansion filled wi... More >>

  • What Are The Best Broadway Musicals Of All Time?

    published Feb 03, 2009

    I already did a post on the world's worst musicals, and as I recall, In My Life filled out the entire top five. But what are the absolute best? Not necessarily my personal faves (like The Sound of M... More >>

  • I'm on!

    published Feb 03, 2009

    I did a quickie cameo on Detox, a self-reflexive show gleefully described as "Pee Wee's Playhouse meets The Soup." My appearance starts with me going through a big can of trash and it ends w... More >>

  • Do You Really Want To Wipe Your Ass With Aloe Vera?

    published Feb 03, 2009

    I was just skedaddling around KMart--well, Lincoln Center was too far away--when I spotted shelves filled with rolls and rolls of Cottonelle toilet paper enhanced with aloe vera and Vitamin E! Is th... More >>

  • Why Sarah Palin Was in The Same Room as Barack

    published Feb 02, 2009

    Everyone has been wondering why Sarah Palin was brave enough to show her face at the Alfalfa club event featuring President Obama, which is basically a high-class Friars roast. I guess because as a ... More >>

  • Michael Phelps Career Should Not Go Up In Smoke

    published Feb 02, 2009

    Can everyone just puff on some weed and chill about the whole Michael Phelps mess which has sparked a deafening roar of disapproval due to the photo that just ran of the swimmer casually puffing on ... More >>

  • SAG President Doesn't Want a Lift!

    published Feb 02, 2009

    A nasty person would probably say the president of SAG is also the president of sagging. But nasty people ain't me! It's true that Alan Rosenberg, who heads the actors group, flaunts his jowls and wri... More >>

  • How Was The Super Bowl Halftime Show?

    published Feb 02, 2009

    Damned if I know! My cable strangely died while it was on and the screen went blank, almost as if it were a sign from God--or at least Time Warner--that I should go back to my life of gay debauchery... More >>

  • How "Solid As Barack" Was Born

    published Feb 02, 2009

    The song "Solid As Barack" didn't start as an SNL spoof, it turns out. At a party at Sugar Bar for legendary singer/songwriters Ashford & Simpson, Valerie Simpson told me it all began during a conce... More >>

  • I'm Talking Oscars at the Center

    published Jan 30, 2009

    You KNOW you're going to watch the gay Super Bowl--aka the Oscars--on the 22nd, so why not get a gay jumpstart on who's going to wear what (and whom) by coming to see me host an awards-worthy panel di... More >>

  • Hilarious Aretha Franklin Parody

    published Jan 30, 2009

    Can anyone just put a mutant bow on their head and wail out "My Country 'Tis of Thee" while ushering in a whole new dawn? No, but soul legend Aretha Franklin did it at the inauguration and managed t... More >>

  • YouTube Treasure: Downtown in the '80s!

    published Jan 30, 2009

    The Fabulous Pop Tarts--aka Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato--were an underground techno pop duo in the '80s on their way to becoming award winning TV and movie producers. Check out this time-tunnel ... More >>

  • Cutbacks Are Swell!

    published Jan 30, 2009

    The news that Starbucks won't continually brew decaf after noon to save money is OK with me; I don't go to Starbucks and if I did, I certainly wouldn't drink decaf. The whole point of coffee is the ... More >>

  • What's Your Favorite Type of Queen?

    published Jan 30, 2009

    Here are your esteemed (albeit offensively stereotypical) choices: *Size queen. You know, the type that only wants to feel something when penetrated. Picky, picky. *Rim queen. The kind of guy who'... More >>

  • Michelle Obama's Bold Fashion Sense

    published Jan 29, 2009

    Our first lady may have some controversial sartorial taste, but at least she goes for bold designers who are one of us, if you know what I mean. Gone are the uptown days of Oscar de la Whatshisname ... More >>

  • Scary, Fabulous Joan Crawford Immortalized One More Time

    published Jan 29, 2009

    We love to make fun of Joan Crawford because she was such an image-obsessed diva and controversial mother--and that hair! But the self-made glamour goddess DOES fully deserves the glossy treatment s... More >>

  • Don't Embrace Your Gay Kids! Just Turn Them Straight!

    published Jan 29, 2009

    That's the message of some twisted group called the International Healing Foundation, which just sent out the attached press release in the wake of the TV movie Prayers for Bobby, in which a mother ... More >>

  • Why Did Streisand Make a Face When Idina Sang?

    published Jan 28, 2009

    If you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, then you are definitely not a theater queen. But if you immediately went "Aha", then click right here and read my new high-kickin' column, whereb... More >>

  • My Best Friend Harvey

    published Jan 28, 2009

    I have the greatest BFF in the whole wide world. He's always there when I need him, and he instantly responds to my shout-outs, whether by text, email, phone, or even snail mail. He's endlessly suppor... More >>

  • Ted Haggard's Escort Is Fuming Mad

    published Jan 28, 2009

    Mike Jones is the gentleman who was hired by evangelical minister and hatemonger Ted Haggard for sex acts, and who ended up blowing the whistle (among other things), leading to Haggard's segue from ... More >>

  • How Can American Idol Still Be On?

    published Jan 28, 2009

    Come on, people, how can that predictable parade of wannabes still be clogging my set on a regular basis? I mean, we've long known exactly what we're going to get with this show every week: Simon'... More >>

  • YouTube Treasure: Calendar Girl With A Thong To Sing

    published Jan 27, 2009

    It's January all right! I'm talking about January Jones--no, not the person of that name who appears on Mad Men, but the January Jones who was a busty Vegas lounge singer with fleshy parts and an ur... More >>

  • Fuck You, Facebook! Thank You, Beyonce!

    published January 28, 2009

    Musical Mondays at the long-running gay bar Splash are a theater queen's wet dream, whereby Broadway lovers (including even a few women) stare... More >>

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