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2009 Stories by Michael Musto

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  • Why Do We Hate Old People?

    published Jan 27, 2009

    In any truly civilized culture, older people are greeted with respect as pillars of wisdom to turn to for advice and comfort. But in America, old folk are generally discarded in favor of hot young b... More >>

  • Celebrity Justice 101: Can Fame and Dollars Buy You Innocence?

    published Jan 27, 2009

    Here's a quick primer on the shocking cases that many feel add up to the modern Mount Rushmore of celeb-justice abominations. *O.J. Simpson was declared not guilty of double murder in 1995. Somethi... More >>

  • YouTube Treasure: The Golden Girls Theme In Its Nascent Form

    published Jan 26, 2009

    When he wrote "Thank You For Being a Friend," Andrew Gold probably didn't expect it to end up as an anthem for Depends-wearing Golden Girls, but his obscure ditty did find its place as the bouncy th... More >>

  • Who Are the Smartest Celebrities?

    published Jan 26, 2009

    Not all bold-face names are celebutards who need an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes. Some of them are actually quite brainy, as I--who push tape recorders in their faces on a regular basis--shou... More >>

  • Why The Obsession With Caylee Anthony?

    published Jan 26, 2009

    Booking photo of Casey Anthony Isn't it time we got over our fixation on slain Florida toddler Caylee Anthony? Aren't there thousands of other crime stories that could be filling the airwaves and se... More >>

  • Things That Embarrass Me

    published Jan 26, 2009

    Yes, there ARE some things that make me a little uncomfortable, believe it or not. The most prominent ones are: *911 calls played on TV crime shows or newscasts. I get all antsy from the terror in th... More >>

  • A 23-Year-Old Observation About Sally Field

    published Jan 23, 2009

    No, it's not that she should have started taking Boniva much earlier. It's that when she gave her famous 1985 Oscar speech for Places in the Heart--you know, the one about how the first time she won... More >>

  • The Worrying Diet Plan

    published Jan 23, 2009

    I have a diet plan that works way better than the point system, throwing up, or even completely starving. It's worrying and fidgeting! My primary care doctor just told me in all seriousness that fidge... More >>

  • Are We Glad Caroline Kennedy Won't Be Our Senator?

    published Jan 23, 2009

    So Caroline Kennedy dropped out of the senatorial race the other day, quite possibly because she was gently shoved. Is this a good thing? True, she wasn't wildly articulate, she had precious little ... More >>

  • Broadway Gay Shockers From The Golden Years

    published Jan 23, 2009

    I was skimming through the memoir Original Story By Arthur Laurents for some more insight into the back-on-the-boards classic West Side Story, which Laurents wrote the book for, and I found some rea... More >>

  • Why Are Women Comics So Biting?

    published Jan 22, 2009

    What does it take to be a female comic nowadays? Oh, I don't know--a mouth like a chainsaw, a wit like a pickaxe, and no fear whatsoever of libel. The most prominent funny ladies in the business rig... More >>

  • LuPone's Tantrum Is Now A Dance Song!

    published Jan 22, 2009

    A couple of years ago, I was dancing in a bar to something fierce that turned out to be Faye Dunaway's raging phone messages to a poor TV producer set to a dance beat. It was hair-raising and captiv... More >>

  • The Oscar Nominations Are Out!

    published Jan 22, 2009

    Here it is, folks--the list of lucky and talented people who will compete for the final glory on the Gay Olympics on February 22. My predictions were 80% correct (four out of five in each category),... More >>

  • Some Good Things About The New Depression

    published Jan 22, 2009

    The tumbling of the economy into a giant international toilet bowl isn't all bad, paupers--I mean people. Here are some positive aspects of the horrid fiscal crisis: *You can get a cab. *You can g... More >>

  • Will Ferrell is Broadway Bound

    published Jan 21, 2009

    Click here--NOW--and read my gut-wrenchingly hilarious interview with Will Ferrell, who has brought his impersonation of Dubya to Broadway, paving the way for the inevitable production of Annie Get ... More >>

  • I'm A-Comin' To Montreal!

    published Jan 21, 2009

    Rumor has it that I'm making a personal appearance this Friday at 10 PM at the Succo Lounge (you heard me) of the Opus hotel on the corner of St. Laurent and Sherbrooke. I will be meeting and greeti... More >>

  • How Are Gay Men Different From Lesbians?

    published Jan 21, 2009

    Let's go through all the stereotypical ways, shall we? *Gay men like dogs, lesbians like cats. *Gay men like to dress like women, lesbians like to dress like men. *Gay men like Calvin Klein Etern... More >>

  • Don't Bring Strangers Home!

    published Jan 21, 2009

    So many people run around bars with the idea that they MUST bring someone home to make their night complete. That's perfectly adorable, but in my case, I neurotically strive for the opposite. I LOVE s... More >>

  • Terrifying Patti LuPone Clip

    published Jan 20, 2009

    As you've undoubtedly heard, Patti LuPone almost had a real breakdown while having her musical one in Gypsy on one of the final nights of the show. Someone in the audience at that performance was du... More >>

  • Hilarious Will Ferrell Interview!

    published January 21, 2009

    Will Ferrell has come to Broadway—no, not in Talladega Nights, The Rock Opera, or Elf on Wheels. He's... More >>

  • So How Did The Inauguration Stack Up Today?

    published Jan 20, 2009

    I was right there watching it--in my living room--so no one is more equipped than I am to size up the varying facets of today's historic induction, rating it as if it were an Olympic event. And it W... More >>

  • YouTube Delight: Joey Heatherton Kicks and Twirls

    published Jan 20, 2009

    I can stake a tiny little claim to pop culture history, which is that when John Waters was looking for '60s singer-dancer-actress Joey Heatherton to put in his movie Cry-Baby in 1990, I was able to ... More >>

  • What's Your Favorite Kind of Gay?

    published Jan 20, 2009

    As we face a new year and a clean slate, how do we rank the types of gays that make up the rainbow palette in our wondrous nation? Your choices are as follows: *Bears. You know, guys who don't shave ... More >>

  • Gossip Girl Meets Theater Guy

    published Jan 17, 2009

    Remember when I was beside myself that my name turned up on a fashion show seating chart they showed on Gossip Girl? Big deal! A fellow journalist of mine--Charles Isherwood, who's one of the Times'... More >>

  • New York Skank Is Back

    published Jan 16, 2009

    Remember how I used to moan that New York had gotten way too slick and glossy and had lost its challenging edge? Well, it's back! Everywhere you go, there are muggers, beggars, and drug dealers wait... More >>

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