Email Author Michael Musto

Awards

• 2012 - AAN AltWeekly Awards

  "Why I Hate Being Gay! 62 Reasons!"

• 2012 - AAN AltWeekly Awards

  "Help! Blandness Has Taken Over Our Culture!"

• 2012 - AAN AltWeekly Awards, published August 31, 2011

  "Fame Is Better Than Drugs And I Want To Mainline That Shit"

• 2011 - AAN AltWeekly Awards, published June 22, 2010

  "Kicked in the Groin at Every Glittery Turn"

• 2011 - AAN AltWeekly Awards, published August 18, 2010

  "Where's My Book?"

• 2011 - AAN AltWeekly Awards, published December 29, 2010

  "Year in Review"

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2009 Stories by Michael Musto

• The Most Appalling Types of Behavior in The Theater

  published Jan 08, 2009

  I am a total theater queen--in fact, my very first words as a newborn were "This time for me!"--but there are certain kinds of behavior that I simply will not abide from my fellow Broadway customers. ... More >>

• My New Boyfriend Is Black and Doesn't Speak!

  published Jan 08, 2009

  Lonely nights are gone! I've got me a new lover and he's short, quiet, and only needs occasional rinsing. It's a Fleshlight, the rivetingly lurid device which looks like a flashlight--and it's fierc... More >>

• Read What Perez Says About Anderson

  published Jan 07, 2009

  In this week's column [CLICK HERE], gossip gangstar Perez Hilton pauses amidst his wildly successful role as the new me to fork over some rumor he heard about Anderson Cooper and...well just click a... More >>

• I'm Getting My Large Head Shrunk At A Comedy Club

  published Jan 07, 2009

  Want hot pokers shoved up your ass as you're forced to watch Drillbit in endless rotationr Nor Well, then, I've got something (marginally) less hateful for you. It's a chance to see me not only do com... More >>

• What's The Truth About Jett Travoltar

  published Jan 07, 2009

  The tragedy of Jett Travolta's death has been met with the expected din of eyebrow raising from anonymous web surfers who've had it in for Scientology in the first place. According to these armchair... More >>

• What's Your Favorite Word For a Penisr

  published Jan 07, 2009

  And don't say penis! That's so coldly clinical even doctors tend to stay away from it. Here are some other possible choices: *Schlong. I like it, though it sounds a little Borscht Belty--like somet... More >>

• Who Should Be In The Gilligan's Island Movier

  published Jan 07, 2009

  Let's play casting director (and after that, let's play strip poker, if we still have time). See, the inevitable movie version of the '60s shit-com Gilligan's Island has been announced, and now the gl... More >>

• Mariah Carey Coming To Broadwayr

  published Jan 06, 2009

  British papers have announced that songbird Mariah Carey is in talks to present her life story as a Broadway musical, and though Mariah herself says this is the first she's heard of it, let's preten... More >>

• Perez Hilton Dishes on Anderson Cooper

  published January 7, 2009

  Perez Hilton is not only the new me, he's a flamboyant provocateur who travels first-class between worshipping and sliming celebs as the world... More >>

• What Is So Wrong With Regiftingr

  published Jan 06, 2009

  Remember when First Lady Nancy Reagan was revealed to be a chronic regifter who once even gave one of her young relatives a toy that was already hisr Well, maybe that went a little too far. You shou... More >>

• Best Comment Made at Last Night's NY Film Critics Circle Awards

  published Jan 06, 2009

  Josh Brolin: "Great actor, Sean Penn. Great actor. Not an asshole like Russell Crowe." The second juiciest one--if rather bizarre--was Brolin saying he thought Ben Brantley was a "motherfucker" and... More >>

• Facebook Freaks Are Still Trying To Get Me!

  published Jan 06, 2009

  A gang of Facebook fanatics--led by my soon to be EX friend Susan Anton, lol--are determined to see me get more fake friends, find greater chances for people to tell me they're at the ballet, and we... More >>

• How Long Is It OK To Say "Happy New Year"r

  published Jan 05, 2009

  I HATE when people say "Happy new year." What does it mean anywayr That some arbitrary calendar system devised way before I was born suggests that we are now starting some ridiculous new cycle or ot... More >>

• Is Scientology Really Worse Than Other Religionsr

  published Jan 05, 2009

  A lot of antagonism has been built up against the Kabbalah and even more so over Scientology, throngs of people feeling these are "made up" religions without a lot of credibility or substance. But c... More >>

• Things To Rule Out in '09

  published Jan 05, 2009

  As 2009 launches into full gear, it's imperative that we all hold hands, sing "Kumbayah," and say a prayer that the following things from last year won't pop up again and taint it.*Republicans blabbin... More >>

• Kathy Griffin Says "Dicks" On CNN

  published Jan 01, 2009

  That very straight team of Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin had a lot of fun hosting New Year's Eve on CNN, with the help of Tom Cruise, David Spade, and a drag queen in a giant descending high hee... More >>